The Sex Positive Photo Project ... San Francisco Bay Area

Fat Fierce Femme

2012-01-27T10:22:00.000-08:00

Oakland’s own Kentucky Fried Woman doesn't just walk the talk on fighting size negativity, she makes that work look good.

One of the main goals of the Sex Positive Photo Project, in addition to bringing you wank worthy sexy pics, is to highlight folks in the SF Bay Area who use art to inspire and enact social change.

We are so very proud to have the opportunity to photograph and interview a woman who oozes fat positive activism from every juicy, sparkling pore. Krista Smith is a performance artist, community organizer and game changer. Through the persona of Kentucky Fried Woman simultaneously celebrates subcultures that are subjected to constant cultural violence; proud fat women and queer women who identify as Femme.

Krista is a vibrant member of the Queer Community in Oakland. In August of 2010 she was profiled in Oakland Local and described as “a white, working class Kentucky girl, vehemently opposed to racism and skin privilege. And she’s a promoter and well-known performer without an overblown ego.” Her regular shows at The Bench & Bar, now every 5th Sunday night, in Oakland are the place to be for fat positive, queer positive, sex positive frivolity. The next event is being described as the Kentucky Fried Spelling Bee, per the event announcement:

It's time for the first annual Kentucky Fried Spelling Bee! Join us for an amazing evening featuring some of the San Francisco Bay Area's FINEST queers competing for a cash prize in a genuine hella-gay spelling bee & some of the most fun queer drag & burlesque acts in the business performing to spelling-bee inspired music!

Krista is also a co-coordinator of and has been a member of the Femme Collective since 2005, which is now accepting submissions for the 2012 Femme Conference.

Kentucky Fried Woman is a force of cultural realism to be reckoned with. Through her amazing shows and conferences, she is bridging the social consciousness of fat as a feminist issue with the emerging queer identity of high Femme.

-Airial Clark

Call for Submissions: FAT Positive Anthology

2011-11-02T09:01:00.000-07:00

Editor Virgie Tovar is currently seeking submissions for a ground-breaking new fat positive anthology to be released in 2012. Please see the details below and HURRY! Deadline is Nov 15th, 2011.

CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS : FAT-POSITIVE ANTHOLOGY

1500-3000 words
Editor: Virgie Tovar - author, fat activist/lifetime fat girl, and MA, Human Sexuality

Deadline: November 15, 2011

I’m seeking personal essays for a fat positive anthology to be released in 2012. I’m seeking essays that either (1) focus on a specific event/experience that was truly flabulous or (2) tell the story of how you became a fierce fatty. I encourage contributors to hone in on a particular theme—like romance, parenting, family, fatshion, dating, performance—to use as a lens through which to tell your story. Fierce, sassy, thoughtful, authentic, non-fiction, previously unpublished, autobiographical stories from fatties who identify as women are welcome. The vision for this anthology is one of fun, unapologetic fat celebration and love!

Envision the book you would have wanted to read when you started out on your journey to fat positivity. This will be that book for a lot of people. So, share what you know and what you’ve learned, the way you navigate the world, your experiences, and don’t leave out the juicy parts!

Some guiding questions that may help as you’re writing:

how did you become a fierce fatty?
how do you create fat-positive spaces in your life?
what was a pivotal moment or experience that led to fat positivity for you?
how do you talk to family/friends about being a fatty?
how do you "do" fatshion?
how does being a fatty impact dating, sexuality and romantic relationship(s) for you?
how do you turn society's rules into your own personal politic?
has performance (e.g.. fat belly dancing) impacted your body love experience?
what people/communities make you feel fabulous?
what role does your fierce fatness play into your friendships or family relationships?

Don’t feel limited by this list of suggestions, please!

Please send electronic submissions only. Attach your submission in MS Word (.doc) format to fatposanthology@gmail.com. Please include a short bio and your contact information in the body of the e-mail.

Contributors of accepted submissions will be paid $50 and receive a writing credit in the book.

International Fisting Day

2011-10-21T09:21:00.000-07:00

By Airial Clark

In the US we have athree prong test for obscenity: (1) appeals to a prurient interest in sex, whentaken as a whole and as judged by contemporary community standards from theperspective of the average person; (2) is patently offensive, as defined bystate law; and (3) lacks serious literary, artistic, political, or scientificvalue. Miller v. California, 413 U.S. 15,24 (1973). Ok? So, if you’re producing sexually explicit material the firstamendment right to freedom of speech protects you from prosecution as long youdon’t fail the Miller test.

It’s kind of like anational safeword. The US Supreme Court has boundaries. We can all respectthat. Consent is sexy. Negotiation and consent are vital components in allaspects of sexuality.

For the record, Isupport the expression of all forms of sexuality between consenting adults. Ifconsent is not able to be given then no sexual act should take place. Period.That is my hard boundary on obscene material. And I am so very proud to saythat I am part of a large community that feels the same way. Lack of consent isthe ultimate obscenity.

So let’s get to fisting.Fisting fisting fisting! What in the hell is so wrong with fisting? How is itso taboo? Is it like keeping a thumb out of the hole keeps the sex above board?No, no, I’m not being a deviant; look the thumb is still in the air! Seriously?What is it about this specific act that is so controversial?

I enjoy erotic imagerythat depicts people doing what they enjoy. I am not into fake sex. I am notinterested in the majority of “mainstream” pornography because of the lack ofauthenticity and subjectivity. I find most of it demeaning and disrespectful toour holistic experiences of human sexuality. I avoid most of the porn outthere, not due to the sex acts being depicted, but because of the artificialityand blatant objectivity.

Fisting my dear friendsis real. It’s a very intimate and intricate sexual maneuver which does in factrequire skill… and patience… and negotiation… and consent. The person being fisted has to have knowledgeabout their body and be able to express what feels good and what does not,which is in the same vein as all other sex acts! It’s kind of hard to fake anorgasm while being fisted. I’m sure it’s possible to fake it, but the actualorgasms resulting from fisting are kind of obvious.

So, today on the SexPositive Photo Project, in solidarity with International Fisting Day, we bringyou some awesome, explicit, real life, no really PLEASE put your whole handinside of me, fist-fist-fisting!

Bit thank yous and shout-outs to Syd Blakovich, Jiz Lee and Crashpadseries.com for their help with making these photos happen. Read more about International Fisting Day at Courtneytrouble.com.

The Fear No Art opening party & artist's reception is tonight!

2011-09-23T12:57:00.000-07:00

Photo by Michelle Serchuk

I am excited to announce that the Fear No Art exhibition, which I am co-curating with Mark I Chester opens tonight. This has been my first curatorial experience and I am thrilled with the range of art and artists we've brought together. I will also be exhibiting 6 images from the "I masturbate..." series for the first time.

Fear No Art pulls together images from 17 artists with very different viewpoints that are by turns interesting, scary, funny, sexy, challenging and highly disturbing. Fear No Art includes the work of established artists such as Michael Rosen, Phyllis Christopher and Michele Serchuk, as well as new and emerging sexual artists like Anat Avi, Patti Beadles and Daryl Hall.

The exhibition is also open Saturday Sept 24th, from 1-5pm and Sunday Sept 25th from 11am-6pm. The show is open for viewing during the Folsom St Fair which runs right outside the studio. In addition, Mark I Chester will be offering a free digital pix to anyone who comes to see the show on Saturday and Sunday.

After Folsom, the show is open by appointment thru Oct. http://markichester.com/fearnoart

Tonight is the opening party/artists' reception

Please join us tonight at the Mark I. Chester studio, 1229 Folsom St., at 7pm for the artist's reception. There will be special performances and readings beginning at 8:30.

Broadway Betty

Did you know that Broadway Betty is a nasty girl? Well she is. Andshe has created a newly revised Leather Burlesque act specifically for her beloved Leather community. Don't miss this exciting way to kick off Folsom weekend!

Kentucky Fried Woman

You won't want to miss Oakland based performer/emcee/producer extraordinaire, Kentucky Fried Woman. She helms the monthly Kentucky Fried Woman show, which goes down on the first Sunday of every month at the Bench & Bar in Oakland. Each month has a different theme. October 2nd is Hippies vs. Ravers, a hilariously fun evening of drag, dance & burlesque. Come in costume and cheer for your favorite team! You can learn more about KFW on Facebook but for now, sit back, buckle up, and show some love for this fierce fat femme diva!

The MamaSutra

Cozy up to a buddy and let The MamaSutra read you a sexy fairytale. She'll be reading The Little Mermaid by Cecelia Tan tonight, but you can be sure it ain't no Disney's Little Mermaid!

Lanae St.John is a San Francisco Bay Area Sexy Mamas Blogger, Board Certified Sexologist and Sex Educator. Her work with clients normalizes conversations about sexuality between parents and children, while helping adults to discover a more sexually positive outlook. You can read her blog on Good Vibrations Magazine.

Tom Orr

We are very excited to have Tom Orr celebrate with us! Tom Orr is an award-winning lyricist, performer, producer and all-around theatrical Renaissance Man, happy to do just about anything for the sake of a show, on stage and off. He is best known for his cult hit musical parody revue, "Dirty Little Showtunes!" as well as his solo shows, "I Feel A Thong Coming On!" and "A Crass Act!"

Leland Carina

Leland Carina is an active member of the local Leather Community and is running for Ms SF Leather on October 8th! Leland is Daddy to ava, who will be her performance bottom for the evening. Leland and ava both enjoy including blood in their play. They find it adds an extra level of intimacy and intensity. Find out more about Leland on her web site: LelandCarina.com

Leland is also one of our exhibiting artists and I'm very much looking forward her her performance, which coordinates quite well with her work in the show!

Airial Clark

Keeping the flow as emcee for the evening will be The Sex Postive Photo Project's own Airial Clark. Airial also writes for Oakland Local, and Good Vibrations magazine.

Size Positive = Sex Positive: Reflection

2011-09-11T19:10:00.000-07:00

" ...specifically for me I feel like the way that people will achieve happiness is through having a positive sex life and you have to have a positive image of your own body to have a positive sex life." - Jukie Sunshine in her April 2010 interview.

There's more than one way to be a fatty! - Guest Post by Virgie Tovar

2011-08-26T10:47:00.000-07:00

I was born into a world where fat girls are outlaws, living on the outskirts of society: a band of lawless revolutionaries, fighting against myopic standards of beauty and archaic forms of femininity. A world where we are like Thelma and Louise meets Che Guevara, the stuff of fantasies and legend. We populate the masturbatory thoughts of millions. We are corporeal anarchists. We are the sensualists, the plus size queens. We are the flag-bearers in a turgidly anti-pleasure society.

When people talk about fat girls who are fat because they eat cake and drink milkshakes, who refuse to cover up their cottage cheese and take up two seats at the Broadway production of Rent, they’re talking about me. When people talk about those brown girls who refuse to capitulate to our “post-racial” political climate or those high femmes who love demanding you take photos of them in various permutations of the same outfit or those sluts whose cleavage makes more public appearances than Sarah Palin, they’re talking about me. And, no, I’m not sorry.

I’m a fat, smut-writing, high femme, Xicana fauxhemian with a breast fetish and a story about Jesus’ cock you wouldn’t believe. And I need you to know three things: first, despite everything you’ve been told about 260-pound women, people love eating my ass and thank me for the privilege. That is, fat girls are definitely hot. Second, we fat girls have a hard time closing our legs and that is the first on a list of reasons that we are revolutionizing gender politics. And third, there’s no wrong way to be a fatty.

I’ve learned about the power of my fat from a lot of different people - some radical cunt-loving baby dykes at UC Berkeley, the scores of people I've had the pleasure of fucking, the old dudes at my parents' church, that hateful bitch on MUNI, femmes, queens and burlesque startlets. I’ve learned that my fat makes some people happy and others bewildered, some people horny and others erupt into full-on, nostrils-flared, carrot-waving rage. I’ve learned that my body is my yummy conduit to pleasure and I’ve decided that I am going to love my body come rain or shine, through the dick rivers and the cock famines, though the days when I want to wear my ugly mint green terrycloth nightgown and the days when I want to wear my cheetah print platform heels. Body love is the most real kind of love. Like real love, I’ve got to fight to keep it. Like real love, I’ve got to believe I deserve it. Like real love, I fuck up over and over, but I forgive myself and I try not to make the same mistakes again. I’ve decided that the world is a strange and arbitrary place. But it’s also a place filled with flowers and kittens, carnitas and Costco, glitter and cheese. And a world filled with these things isn’t hopeless.

Being a fabulous fat girl is not easy. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever decided to be. I am chastised for my role in spitting on the shiny, brown loafer of the man. People are jealous and passive aggressive. They whisper. They haterade. But I strut my ass through the world with the knowledge that no one can touch the secret part of me that knows I’m a mother-fucken queen.

--------

Virgie Tovar is a sex-educating, cupcake-eating Xicana high femme iconoclast who lives in San Francisco. She doubles as hitachi-wielding burlesque starlet Dulce de Lecherous. Crowning achievements include Best Sex Writer (SF Bay Guardian, 2008), authoring Destination DD: Adventures of a Breast Fetishist with 40DDs (Sexy Advisors Press) and The Virgie Show on CBS Radio's 106.9 FM.

Size Positive = Sex Positive: Guest Post by Fleur De Lis SF

2011-08-09T17:26:00.000-07:00

As a little girl growing up you are fed all of these images of what you are supposed to look like. Shit, we were all given a Barbie doll at some point, and we came to think that was what a woman looks like. I think we have all read the research that if Barbie was a real person she would not be able to walk. Little girls are given so many things to live up to, so it is no wonder that as women we are all so body conscious.

I hear little girls who say things like, "I don’t want to get fat." I see girls wearing very adult clothes at a younger and younger age. But when you look at what our society defines as attractive- tall, thin, and with big boobs- it seems to be the image we are fed most. Mainly thin.

There are a variety of body types that not just women, but people, have. I cannot tell you how much time I have spent as a woman dissecting what is wrong with my body. The time my friends and I have spent in front of a mirror telling each other what we find wrong with our bodies. Since I have started a blog where I am photographed constantly, I have noticed my attention to detail with what I look like has evolved.

The makeup, the hair, the nails, and the clothes for women are designed to make me look sexy. Now, don’t get me wrong: I like being sexy. Actually, I love being sexy. There is something about putting on an outfit that you know you look good in and walking out of your house. Now, do I find it inappropriate that men eye fuck me, or yell at me from cars, that I can live without, but at least they still yell at me. Sometimes it makes me sick, and sometimes I smile.

It is hard to be a woman and not fit into a particular mold of what a woman is supposed to look like. When I was younger I had huge- and I mean HUGE- boobs, very short hair, and I was, at best, awkward in my teens. I grew into my looks and I learned how to be happy with the woman that I am. When I get dressed up now it's for me, but I do love to put on pretty things and walk down the street. I love being looked at and admired. Who doesn't?

We are judged on how we look. If a woman is not thin, she is judged for it. Have you ever heard “She has such a pretty face, if only she were thinner”? I think that sexy is in the eye of the beholder. I also think that not everyone is a stick figure, and they should not be judged for that.

Women come in a variety of shapes and colors. However, I do think we have it harder than men as far as our appearance. Men can be slovenly or disheveled and no one really says anything, but if a woman does that she has given up, or she is sad. I have been a size 4, and I have been a size 14, but my confidence has never come from my appearance. My confidence has always come from my ability to use my brain. Your looks fade, and you have to have more than that to fall back on in order to be a complete person.

What I don't understand is why, instead of teaching little girls to be pretty, we don’t teach them to be competent? We should encourage them to be anything that they want to be. Women need to feel less pressure from society to conform to a certain look. Everyone is beautiful in their own way and we should be encouraged to look how we want.

Whether you are a size 4 or a size 24, your confidence should be derived from who you are as a person instead of what you look like. I have met exceptionally attractive people who once they open their mouths, they become so ugly that I am repulsed by them. That movie Shallow Hal was a great example of looking for inner beauty. We need to be able to see who people are, beyond what their outward appearance is. I am lucky to be surrounded by a number of beautiful people, inside and out, but it is the inside that counts the most to me.

You can read more from Fleur De Lis SF on her blog. The above photo was taken during a promotional shoot for her upcoming Sexy Circus! Come one, Come all! September 17, 2011 at the Center For Sex & Culture, 1349 Mission Street, San Francisco, CA. Doors open at 8:30 and the show starts at 9:00.

Size Positive = Sex Positive: Big Burlesque Photos

2011-08-05T16:37:00.000-07:00

When researching photos to accompany Sossity's Guest Post last week, I came across images of some of the other women of Big Burlesque whom I had the immense pleasure of meeting in 2005. Here are are four of my favorite photos of four incredible performers. - Shilo

Size Positive = Sex Positive: Our bodies are how we connect with others

2011-08-02T09:44:00.000-07:00

I love my body. Sometimes I don't like it--sometimes I'm frustrated by the way it doesn't fit comfortably into theater seats or the clothes I want to wear, and how fragile and easily damaged it can be despite its sturdy appearance--but I do love it. I worship it, even, as I worship all bodies.

I'm not a spiritual person at all; it's the physical, the corporeal that I find sacred and holy. Our bodies are our interface to the world around us, and our physical experience of the world is what shapes the very way we speak and think. Our bodies are how we connect with others: our lips speak and share, our hands touch and create, and our feet carry us to the places where others are. Our bodies are all we have and the source of all we are, no matter what they look like, and I find that so beautiful that I can't help but love my own. - Rhiannon

Dear Sweet Body

2011-07-28T10:02:00.000-07:00

Dear Sweet Body,

You are a temple. You are pillars of past, walls of art, high arching doorways of history. You are a place of worship for some and a place to rest weary heads of others. You are for everyone who comes by you honestly and with intention and love.

You are the ocean, your great waves undulating seductively around massive wooden ships. You woo sailors with glints of shiny trick lighting and the sound of sirens in your shallows. You are massive and deep and salty at all of the right times. Your tide pools tremble with tiny discovery.

You are a journey. You are smooth brow and sunburned lips. You are saddle ass and sweaty thighs and hard memories wrapped in the finest swatches of silk under heaving breasts. You demand cartographers with years of experience simply to find the terrible softness in your hips, your lips, and your collarbone. You are unraveling miles of surprising shyness, teeth biting into pillows of lips. You are unending. Would be suitors shade their eyes on horizons of your equator.

You are a wild horse. You buck easily. You tame rarely. You run until you are sheen of sweat and lust. You toss your head at danger and leap over obstacles. You are youthful and old and always free. You belong to no one.

Sweet body you are a carriage, a mystery, a puzzle, a long road ahead of me. You support me and rarely protest when I make you do things you would rather not.

You are still glimmering after 4 wars. You are the dazed smile on my lover’s face when asked to disrobe. You are the sun singing against you in your racy red bathing suit. You are the truth of standing up straight like your Papaw always told you to.

Sweet body.
You are a beauty.

Love,
Alysia

You can read more from Alysia on her blog.

Guest Post: Sex Radicals/Radical Sex by Sossity Chiricuzio

2011-07-26T17:47:00.000-07:00

Heather MacAllister was the first sex-positive size activist I met. I had the opportunity to work with her when she asked me to take promotional photos for her Fat Bottom Revue burlesque troupe. She made a lasting impression on me and was a huge inspiration. I'm happy to present some images from our 2005 photo shoot, to accompany this guest post by the radically awesome Sossity Chiricuzio. -Shilo

Sex Radicals/Radical Sex

By Sossity Chiricuzio

I’ve had a long and complicated relationship with sex and my body. I’m sad that the same could be said by almost every person I've ever discussed that with. As a child, it was uncomplicated: my body felt good. The socialization of advertising, public school, and inappropriate adult men made it a place of fear, and shame. I quickly realized that only some bodies were the good ones, sex was mostly dirty, and the people deciding those things weren’t likely to change their minds. It broke my heart, and my spirit, for many years.

After I came out as queer I began to meet people who were proudly sexual and persistent in fighting for information and healthy sexuality. I began to reclaim my power around sex - both in how I had it, and in my activism. I was studying Humanities and Women's Studies at the University of Arizona. It was 1992, and penetration was often still considered patriarchal. Those of you reading this who don’t know what I’m talking about: hit up Wikipedia on terms such as ‘lesbian feminism’, ‘Andrea Dworkin’ and ‘separatism’. And then, for your antidote: ‘sex radical’.

The truth is, I have had a long and complicated relationship with feminism as well. I’ve had many arguments over the years with other feminists as to if I even qualify as a feminist. This usually happens after I’ve read one of my poems about fisting, advocated for polyamory or BDSM, or otherwise disrupted their idea of what feminism should include. I’ve also had many a long and satisfying conversation with like minded sex-positive feminists and am grateful for the ever-expanding activism and resources we are collectively creating. There is one person in particular that understood and resonated with me completely, and continually inspires me: Heather MacAllister, aka Reva Lucian.

Meeting her was akin to vault doors being blown open in a flood of fierce sunshine. She was determined to be shameless, and to drag the rest of us with her into that light. Learning to love my body exactly the way it was, and for all it could do, was her challenge to me and so many others. Her magic was rooting those lessons in the body itself, through ritual, sex, dance and anything else that revealed the power inherent in flesh that is loved. We both approached that space as a way of embodying the sacred whore - for ourselves, and others - and considered that work to be our gift to the world and our own battle scarred bodies.

We met the challenge of being femme, fat and bold in the pursuit of our desire in similar ways. Refusing to apologize; reveling in running the fuck just as much as giving over to rough and tender hands; sharing the best revelations, and the best lovers; walking in that grace and power, visible and unashamed. We strove to set that example for others as well as ourselves in our art and activism. Protests and workshops, bordellos and play parties, burlesque and erotica … if it offered a chance for people to love themselves better, and each other, we explored it. We lived thousands of miles apart more often than not, but our muses traveled the distance in a heartbeat.

Heather’s legacy is widely known, and the ripples she spread continue to roll into waves of realization and revolution. One of those waves is the project that brings every skill I’ve gathered along the way into perfect overlap with our shared beliefs: Dirty Queer. It’s an X-Rated Open Mic and Fundraiser I’ve produced and hosted monthly for almost 5 years now at our local feminist resource center, and it’s entirely reasonable to say it wouldn’t have happened without her encouragement and faith in me. She was never able to attend, as it began the month before her death, but I feel her in that room with me every month: buoying me up with passionate conviction, smiling on the courage of people sharing their deepest selves, flirting her energy up against the sexy confidence everyone in the room takes on as we all witness for each other what it is to be so fully seen and appreciated. Sex radicals, radical sex - we hold that space for each other, we love ourselves, we inhabit our bodies from the marrow to the skin. Just what she wanted.


Heather, with the women of Fat Bottom Revue, 2005.

I’m going to close with some pieces of wisdom and inspiration she shared with me over the years - some of them paraphrased quotes, some of them examples she set, and many of them familiar to folks who knew her. Love yourselves better. Face that part of your sexuality that is scariest and own it. Get your parts checked, whatever they are, and however you feel about them. Respect your lovers, and yourself. Negotiate like you are in control of your own body, even if you don’t believe it yet. Make friends with the mirror, or break up with it. Court your friends as well as your lovers. Take yourself on a hot date as a first choice, not a backup plan. Tell a stranger they are beautiful. Be an ally, an advocate, an educator. Keep doing the work. Even when it’s hard, or embarrassing, or uncomfortable. It’s worth it, and so are you.

Heather and Sossity, photo courtesy of Sossity.

Guest Post : Morgan Weinert, Entering an open, honest relationship with food.

2011-07-21T11:06:00.000-07:00

Morgan's guest post today resonates with me on a very personal level. My own relationship with food is intimately connected to my sense of self-worth and self-esteem. Being able to embrace a positive attitude toward my own (and others') sexuality is extremely difficult, if not impossible, when the self-esteem is failing me. I am so pleased to present Morgan's story. You can follow their culinary adventures on their foodie blog, Chubb Gourmet, and they are a talented photographer to boot! -Shilo

24 years into my life, I’m finally entering into an honest, open relationship with food.

I have been fat for all of my adult life, and most of my childhood. Around age 7 or 8, I started getting “chubby.” By age 12 I was all out fat. It was no fault of my parents. They fed me well-rounded, healthy meals. Junk food was sparse in our household. I was active as a child, too. I don’t blame anyone for being fat. It just happened. I am a great example of the result of a Punnett square with a long line of fat family members. It just happens to be a dominant trait in my particular set of genes.

When I entered my adolescence, my fatness started to impact my self-image and social interactions. It stopped being cute “puppy fat” and started being a “problem.” My first diet and gym membership began at age 12. At 12 years old, when I should have been thinking about school crushes and what I wanted my birthday party theme to be, I was worrying about being the fat kid and why my diet wasn’t working.

This is when my relationship with food really started becoming abusive and problematic. Up until that point, food and I got along just fine. We enjoyed each other’s company in moderation. We had occasional bouts of wild excess, but more often than not engaged in respectful, mutual appreciation. The instant I began calorie counting and thinking “low-fat,” I began binge-eating. I became ashamed of eating in public, began worrying about what people thought about my choices in food, and had to start rationalizing my choices to eat “poorly” by promising those around me that I would be exercising later to offset the calories. At home, my mom worked hard to ensure I was eating “right.” At school, or at friends’ houses, I ate all the junk food available to me in an irrational response to being forced to think about weight loss all the time.

My mom and I tried every fad diet that popped up. We got multiple gym memberships. We tried personal trainers. We bought diet food. At age 16, my doctor prescribed me phentermine, a habit forming appetite suppressant that caused me to feel strung out and anxious. Sometimes we lost weight, but no matter how much we lost, we always gained it back. By this time, I wasn’t fantasizing about growing up to be a politician or graduating top of my class in college; I was imagining how perfect my life would be when I was finally skinny.

My junior year of high school, I jumped on the low-carb diet fad with gusto. I stopped eating bread, rice, pasta and even “high-carb” fruits like apples and bananas. The diet was supposedly most effective if you could force your body into ketosis, a state that causes incredible stress to the liver. I ate nothing but protein for a solid month, and started losing huge amounts of weight. At one point, I lost ten pounds in a week. And my energy levels plummeted. I felt sick, couldn’t concentrate in school, and was always hungry. I began binging on carbohydrates. I felt terrible, both emotionally and physically. I felt like I was failing myself every time I gave in and had my sandwich on bread instead of in between two pieces of lettuce. When my mother realized how sick the diet was making us, we stopped. And we almost immediately gained all the weight back.

I didn’t know it then, but I hated food. I hated eating. I hated myself.

I chased weight loss goals and flirted with diet after diet for FOURTEEN YEARS of my life. It wasn’t until I was introduced to fat-positive and “healthy at every size” movements in college that I finally started to seriously examine my relationship with food. I realized that I was causing myself huge emotional and physical harm by constantly berating myself for not being skinny enough or eating well enough or exercising enough. I started to food as something that could heal and create community.

And the moment I resolved to stop dieting and exercising for weight loss, my life changed. I started cooking for myself, and learning about amazing foods like quinoa. I started getting excited about vegetables and learning which ones were local and in-season. I became more connected to local and slow-food movements, and learning about the science of food and how our bodies process it.

And when I stopped thinking about exercise for weight-loss I learned that I really enjoyed yoga and bike riding. I started training for long distance bike rides, and talked with a nutritionist NOT about how to lose weight, but how to nourish myself as I became more active. I started discovering new whole grains that made me feel full and energized. I learned how to cook in ways that were exciting and different and most importantly NOURISHED ME.

In short, I came back to healthy relationship with food. I’m still working on strengthening things. I’m trying to slow down, learn to savor every moment with the food I eat and stop when I’ve had my fill. And no, the pounds aren’t melting away. This is not a story about how I lost 100 pounds and kept it off. It’s about discovering what foods power me or make me feel satisfied. It’s about how I’m building a healthy, sustainable relationship with the food I put into my body and how this new relationship is making me feel better, mentally and physically. This is a story about how as soon as I started loving food again, I started to love MYSELF again.

Size Positive = Sex Positive

2011-07-19T16:47:00.000-07:00

by Airial Clark

When I was 14 years old I had my first moment of hot flash inducing lust. I was in my bedroom when I heard a basketball being dribbled in the parking lot below my second story window. I thought it might be a friend of mine coming to ask me to play, so I leaned out to look. What I saw made my skin go prickly, my ears start to buzz, and heat to rise in my face. The most round taut thick meaty male ass I had ever seen was striding away from me. As I watched each cheek bunch then smooth, my mouth watered. It really, truly, actually watered. I could tell he was about my age and that was all that mattered. I thought to myself, “Girl, you have to meet the person that that ass belongs to.”

It didn’t matter that I was tall and gangly and had a flat-chest. It didn’t matter that I had crazy kinky hair that looked like a lion’s mane. It didn’t matter that I didn’t have clear skin or that I was a size 14. It didn’t matter that I was the living embodiment of everything the pretty girls dreaded being. I hungered after another person’s body.

And that shocked the hell out of me.

Because up until that point, I really believed that people like me couldn’t be sexual. I believed that my body exempted me from sexuality. I was told what a sexy body looked like, and then I was told that I did not have that type of body. I thought this distinction was based upon some type of physiological truth. I believed it was real. That all those ads and TV show plots and exercise videos were trying to help people overcome an actual physical problem. You won’t feel sexy, or be sexy, or get to have sex, unless you look like ‘this’.

So imagine my surprise when my very imperfect, unsexy body had an obviously sexual urge: an urge strong enough to propel me out my front door to go meet the boy at the basketball court. I wasn’t sure if the pulse in my throat was from the running I did to get there or the fact that I was going to see that ass up close. He was alone on the court and as I walked up to him a type of panic set in: would he find me sexy? Maybe my blatant moment of desire just meant I was even more screwed. As in, by having a double digit dress size not only was I supposed to be devoid of desire, I should know better than to expect someone to desire me.

And yet… the physical reality of what was happening could not be ignored. I followed my instincts. I pursued him, and found a mutual attraction. He and I shared a lot of first sexual experiences together. A few months later it was a pair of shoulders on a new boy at school that got my juices going and I got to relive the lust at first sight experience all over again. And again, the ‘big’ girl had no problem starting up a sexual relationship with a boy she found desirable.

Long story short, at a young age my lived experiences as a sexual being contradicted all the ‘truths’ about size and sexuality surrounding me. By having a fun and active sex life I knew that the standardized sexual imagery presented to me was a lie. I was never going to see me, a big, brawny, 200lbs. young woman, having a positive sexual experience. From porn to daytime TV, artful nudes or music videos, I knew it wasn’t about me. So I stopped watching and I stopped reading. I had to tune out to stay turned on.

And you know what, as a woman in my early 30’s, I’m here to say that that is some bullshit. It’s not ok that we’re being lied to. It’s not ok that we have to avert our eyes in order to stay sane. It’s not ok that we are inundated, saturated and castrated by size-negative sexual imagery. Only one size of body is sexual? To Hell with that.

Which is why The Sex Positive Photo Project is so very pleased to bring you images, stories and interviews that ooze body size acceptance. Starting this month, you’ll be able to see and read how size acceptance is a crucial aspect of sex positivity. We’ve got guest posts, a gallery of Heather MacAllister portraits, an interview with Oakland’s own Kentucky Fried Woman and more.

Say it with us, Size Positive is Sex Positive!

Jiz Lee's Karma Pervs

2011-07-12T23:04:00.000-07:00

I'm thrilled to announce that more of my Muir Beach photoshoot with Jiz Lee, which resulted in their "I masturbate..." Day 31 image is available as this month's Karma Pervs update. Proceeds this month are benefiting Lady Monster, Queen of the Fire Tassels, who won my gratitude in particular by bringing Naked Girls Reading to San Francisco (see my photos of their inaugural event here)! Lady Monster has, of late, found herself broke, but not broken and I am so happy that Jiz has decided to use their project to help in the spirit of love and community. Jiz explains on their blog:

"Lady Monster is a working artist, something that is somewhat of a rarity these days and worth preservation so that she can continue delighting, teaching, and inspiring others."

As an added bonus, Jiz is giving away copies of Dangerous Curves, directed by Carlos Batts and April Flores to three lucky Karma Pervs signups. Bravo!

An Elder of Our Tribe - Part 3 of 3: The Sex Positive Photo Project Interview of Dossie Easton

2011-06-23T14:53:00.000-07:00

By Airial Clark
(Click for Part one and Part two)

Dossie expressed to us that healing is the ultimate goal of her life’s work. She has written extensively on Shadow Play. Dossie believes, that “shadow journeys in SM allow us to explore our favorite role and bring those core beliefs into consciousness in a playful way. We inject it with life force. I see SM as a very powerful healing path."

As a therapist working in San Francisco, people have sought out Dossie for her depth of understanding won by many years of real life experience. Her approach to providing healing to her clients is similar to that of her encouragement for people in the SM community, “In my work I do a lot of sand tray, art works, symbolic representation crafting, I see SM as a similar thing. I am so grateful to meld both of these ways of healing.”

Having elders in a community is essential to keeping that community healthy. Dossie is committed to supporting the BDSM community and other alternative sexuality communities that she is a founding member by helping other mental health professionals be culturally competent. She is training therapists on how to better serve sex-positive, adventurous, gender-queer people.

We look forward to more of Dossie’s work. It’s really an amazing thing to see her body of work, to learn about her current projects, to listen to what she plans to accomplish in the future, and know that according to Dossie, it all began because she decided to she wanted to lose her virginity.

Thank you so much Dossie!

An Elder of Our Tribe - Part 2 of 3: The Sex Positive Photo Project Interview of Dossie Easton

2011-06-14T10:51:00.000-07:00

by Airial Clark

(You can find part one of this interview here.)

It was March when the Sex Positive Photo Project had theopportunity to photograph and speak with Dossie. She was preparing to leave thecountry soon, and with a twinkle in her eye told us that Schmact! was on hertravel itinerary. Schmact! is theInternational Women BDSM Conferenceheld annually in Berlin. The organizers of Schmact! have been keeping the kinkin women’s sexually since 1999 and Dossie had many friends she was lookingforward to seeing again.

I asked Dossie what she thought about the ever-expandingsize of the BDSM community. “It is fabulous!” she gushed, “I’m totally excitedwith what I find all over the world.” Yet again, Dossie can bare witness to thetime before BDSM was a common enough referent to an alternate sexuality. Whenthere was no “scene”, no support networks, no Folsom Street Fairs orSchMact!’s, no acknowledgement of darker desires, “I am very pleased to seethis larger community growing.”

In comparing the 50’s and 60’s to today she says, “We haveso many resources now. I’ve spent a lot of time in the places where the scriptshave been written. Which is a great privilege, I was born at the right time Igot the rebel urge at the right time. Iwas in the places where we deciding that the old reality wouldn’t do and sowe’re going to make up a new one.” I ask her for an example of this new realityand she tells me with a whispered excitement, and I feel like I’m being let inon a secret sexy conspiracy: “All over this country there are hotels hostingBDSM conferences where we build dungeons in the banquet rooms. It’s soexciting.” The look on her face leaves no doubt that this is a woman proud ofthe collective kinksters, perverts, tops, bottoms, freaks and sluts that shehas dedicated her life to helping.

In Part 3 we conclude our interview with Dossie’s belief inthe power of Eros and how BDSM can be healing.

An Elder of Our Tribe - Part 1 of 3: The Sex Positive Photo Project Interview of Dossie Easton

2011-06-06T10:19:00.000-07:00

By Airial Clark

Have you ever used the phrase, ‘They wrote the book on it!’ to describe someone’s depth of knowledge, passion or commitment to a subject? Well, with Dossie Easton, it is in no way an understatement to say that when it comes to sexual relationships involving BDSM, kink, and polyamory, she wrote the books.

When I sat down in Dossie’s kitchen, I realized that I was looking into the eyes of a woman who has co-written the five books that whole communities of sexually alternative people live by. She and Janet Hardy have published texts that frankly and honestly guide people on how to explore their sexuality. Shilo and I are so grateful to have had the opportunity to photograph and speak with Dossie in her home.

This is the first of three posts covering our interview with Dossie that we will be bringing to you throughout the month of June.

If you are curious about sex and power, sex and love, sex with other people, sex and your own soul, read her books. The core of Dossie’s body of work is about consent. Which is why it is so radical. Do you want to fight the oppressive paradigm around sex, the soul and the body? Then learn how to ask for what you want, learn how to say no to what you don’t want, and learn how to respect the boundaries of your sexual and intimate partners. This is the how to knowledge that Dossie and Janet provide. For a list of their books, with a synopsis of each, click here to go to Dossie’s website. http://www.dossieeaston.com/books.html These are five texts that everyone should read, and again, this is not an understatement.

Dossie Easton is the elder of our kinky, poly, BDSM tribes. She has a wisdom that can only come from years of experience, and lucky for us, she knows it. “There aren’t many of us left who were there at the start of these revolutions.” Her next project is an autobiographical portrait of the 1960’s. Dossie has two reasons for writing this book. “One as a memoir of my life,” she says, “but also a reminder from where we’ve come from. How different it was before the struggle. I’m starting at the beginnings of the sexual revolution, of feminism, of gay liberation.” In describing the past, Dossie will let us know how far we’ve come. She has seen that, “People forget how everything was illegal, and they would throw you in jail for it. The white out on information was incredible. There were no books.” In a time when sometimes we may feel like we are on information overload it is easy to take the works of Dossie and Janet for granted.

Here’s an assignment for you, dear traveler of the interwebs that brought you to our page: get your hands on one of Dossie’s books. Like a real actual physical copy, read it in a public place and see what happens. Then come back here for part 2 of the interview where Dossie dishes on the current BDSM scene.

Guest Post: I Masturbate! by M. Christian

2011-06-01T11:45:00.000-07:00

Here we have a final adieu to National Masturbation Month 2011. I'm pleased to offer a guest post by my friend M. Christian. It was the title of this piece of writing that inspired me to name my month of masturbation photos "I masturbate..."

Thanks to everyone who helped to make "I masturbate..." such a success. I can't wait for May 2012!
-Shilo

_______________________________________

I Masturbate!

Sure, I masturbate. Yeah, I jerk off. Damned straight, I yank it, pull it, stroke it, rub it, and jerk it. Lube, soap, shampoo or split. Left hand, right hand, frotage (look it up), other’s hands, sheets, and gizmos (manual, electric, and even diesel). Like it, love it--do it a lot.

Let’s get this straight--we all do it. Sure, yeah, right: “not me” someone says. Sit the fuck down and shut the fuck up. We all do it. Nuns do it, dogs do it, cats do it, bees do it, Newt Gingrich and Jessie Helms do it (god, what a thought!). You say you don’t do it, you mean it when you say you don’t do it. Well, who leaves the wet spot on the bed, a topless Tinkerbell?

I masturbate. Come on, let’s say it together, enunciate those syllables: “I” --rounding chorus of self identification. Come on, belt that fucker out--“I”--mean it now, say it true--“Mast-ur-bate.”

I masturbate. He masturbates. She masturbates. They masturbate. We all masturbate. That out of the way? Breathing maybe a bit easier now? Let me tell you this, the old cliché of imagining folks in their underwear has zilch over thinking of all of you sitting there rubbing stroking, jacking, jilling yourselves into a grazed euphoria of self-love. Makes saying that I do it real easy.

I masturbate. Bullshit on that “self-abuse” nonsense: think of them sitting on the toilet in some sleazy dive yanking their pull little wieners with two embarrassed fingers, groaning like taking a shit, popping off an eye-dropped full of fun cream, wheezing like an asthmatic marathon runner (oooooh, sexy!) then going out onto the pulpit to tell you that “it’s bad for you”, “it’s sinful”, “it’s detrimental.”

I do it. I’m proud that I do--because I do it well (hell, I like it) and I do it often: horny, need to sleep, need to relax, wanna get off quick, wanna get off slow, got a cold, don’t got a cold, at home, at parties (the right kind of parties), driving, sleeping (“Yeah, Tinkerbell, yeah!”), for myself, for others--available for weddings, Bar Mitzvahs, etc.

Been doing it for years (first time think something like twelve--late bloomer), will do it for many more. Do it tonight, do it probably tomorrow, do it with my wife, do it with my playmates, do it for pay (if anyone’s interested), do it for free. Ask me to, go on, ask me.

You can see me do it, you can hear me do it (the movie’s out there somewhere--sorry they never told me what the title was going to be) and I write about doing it ...

... stroking my long, proud self, feeling the soft skin and the ridges and bumps of the veins. Feeling the skin of my hand rise and squeeze around the thick head. The pressure, the wonderful feeling of the strong muscle that cranks me up and away. The strength in my balls, the pulse at the head as my hand cups then pulls back from it. The tiny pulls and tiny sharp plucks of my forest of pubic hairs getting caught in my hand. My asshole getting nice and tight. My grip getting tighter as my cock gets harder. When it’s good it’s very good and my cock is a iron putter wrapped in fine silk. My cock is a diving rod pulling my brain this way and that with images and sensations: entering, sucking, licking, biting, beating, feeling, touching, and more, much more.

I love to start the trip to see where it might detour. Start out with a fuck-film in your head, maybe the feeling of that one night, that one day (satin, silk, polyester, latex, leather, cotton, elastic waistbands--) and let my cock take me that way that this way through side-trips of past fucks: just that sensation, that picture, that image, that fantasy, that lover, that glimpse, that night (or day). I might start with the Standard Number Four (A) fantasy: big black tits in my face while she jumps on my rigid cock and might end up at in a mobile home somewhere below the Mason-Dixon with a scummy pre-teen (all zits and no tits and gum and smelling of piss and booze) on my face an some guy named Joe-Bob bathing my cock and balls in spit that’s mostly cheap beer.

It’s ain’t so much the destination as it is the trip.

I jerk off when I’m horny. I stroke it when I’m excited. I pull it when I’m turned-on. I also yank it when I’m bored, can’t sleep, have a cold, have a headache, or can’t think of anything else to do (or there’s nothing good on TV). I do it in bed, on the john, in my living room, at my computer (I give good email), in the backyard (that was a fun party), and everywhere in between. I’ve done it driving, in planes, in porno houses, on trains, and when I shouldn’t have been doing it and I’m damned lucky no one caught me.

Don’t act so fucking surprised, either, a lot of you have done a lot worse--or a lot better.

Stigma? Masturbation should be prayer. It should be the way we show our love for the God/dess in ourselves (how better than to show him/her/it a really good time?). We should have it fucking institutionalized. No more of this bullshit white-haired old men yelling at us from inside their million dollar temples about a hateful god who doesn’t want you to yank it or jill it. Nah, we should tune in every goddamned morning to the right kind of prayer--”Put your hands where they belong, Brothers and Sisters, and give unto you the pleasure that is the God/dess’s gift to you--your genitals. Rub them with me, dear people, and feel the rising power of prayer in you (and remember to clean up afterwards).”

Jerking off should be a fucking sporting event! “Live from the Superbowl the longest ejaculation, most powerful orgasm, most orgasms (women and men’s divisions), most female ejaculate, and quickest (longest takes way too much time for television).” Personally, I favor the San Francisco Queens (got ten bucks riding on them, too).

It should be taught in school, it should be continuing ed, it should be an extracurricular activity (“For today, class, we are going to examine the social, personal, physical repercussions of long fingernails--”). It should be part of the glee club (high notes), cheer leading, and shop (bookend, sailboat, coat rack, dildo, butt-plug ...). We should be told and shown how to do it well, safely and effectively.

Maybe it will. Maybe, maybe, maybe. But for certain it is safe, harmless, natural, comfortable common, and--best above all else--hellava lot of fun!

I know you masturbate. I know you do, because I do. A lot. So get off it, get on it and--

--love thyself. Damnit!

The End

M. Christian

www.mchristian.com

"I masturbate..." Day Thirty-One

2011-05-31T08:22:00.000-07:00

I masturbate for thrill, for release, for relaxation, for a hangover cure, for fun, and for art -- and even charity!

As a porn performer and erotic artist, I host a fundraiser called Karma Pervs, where I often masturbate in the images. The set this particular photo Shilo took will be a part of an upcoming fundraiser. Working with my body and collaborating with other artists is deeply rewarding. When so much of my sex is public, I like to keep some activities private -- especially fantasies. But for the Sex Positive Photo project, I can't help but share a little piece of myself and masturbation:

My first memories of masturbation occur in water.

I would recline on my back in the tub, my legs spread under the facet. I used my toes to grip and gently nudge the temperature controls hotter or colder, teasing myself with the threat of scalding kettle water boiling-over, or shocking iceberg freeze. In my fantasies, hot was lava and I'd sink the back of my head underwater letting the rising flow spill into my ear canals and smother me in hot liquid magma while the burning branded my crotch. But cold was worse: it started with me being dragged kicking and screaming outdoors into the yard and sprayed down with a high pressure water hose for being very dirty. And then the fantasy would continue from there to nefarious situations...

One day, when I was in the heyday of my young bath-taking masturbation sessions, my mother accidentally walked in on me! Snapping me out of a dreamily masochistic head space, I shot away from the water faucet and curled my legs together against the side of the tub staring at her in shock. She immediately backed out of the bathroom, apologizing, and later knocked on the door to come in and tell me that what she saw me do was "perfectly normal" -- I didn't have anything to be embarrassed about, and that everybody does it.
And, I think, she reminded me to lock the door.

To this day, I absolutely love masturbating in the bath, though I unfortunately only have a shower at my current residence. I love hard, firm pressure against my pelvis, regardless of temperature. I use strong vibrators like the Hitachi Magic Wand or the portable cousin, the waterproof Mystic Wand (as seen in this photo) in moderation. I use my fingers and try to keep variety. And I almost always come by fantasy.

- Jiz Lee

www.jizlee.com

"I masturbate..." Day Thirty

2011-05-30T09:11:00.000-07:00

I masturbate because I love myself, and I believe that healthy pleasure is really good for you. I also think that sex is proof that God loves us and wants us to have fun, and what is more sacred than the relationship to oneself? Plus, self-pleasuring helps deepen connection to our bodies and build pleasure-centered nervous channels in your pelvic floor. Self-pleasuring is also a meditation on how we all generate our own turn-on (in life)... your focus becomes the moment in which you're in: being more present in the moment increases the pleasure, with mental focus on the sensations of the body that INCREASE WITH AWARENESS. Om. -Sexploration with Monika

"I masturbate..." Day Twenty-Nine

2011-05-29T13:45:00.000-07:00

I masturbate…a lot.

I started masturbating pretty young, but I remember in 3rd grade I discovered the wonder of the showerhead and the following year I decided that it was a good idea to pass this information along to my friend…while we were showering. I was unaware that there was any shame associated with what I was doing until Middle School. This did not stop me, but I became very aware that it was meant to be shameful and became self-conscious about masturbating. When I was introduced to the concept of sex-positivity and began discussing jerking off with my friends in college, the shame disappeared again and I was able to enjoy myself. I love to masturbate, it is something that I do just for myself, although I really enjoying jerking off for a partner. I explore fantasies, I watch porn, but sometimes I’m just watching TV and find my hand wander into my pants. I love my cock and love finding new ways to get myself off.
-- Bean

"I masturbate..." Day Twenty-Eight

2011-05-28T10:30:00.000-07:00

I masturbate for me. I masturbate for her. I masturbate for every filthy dirty thought that passes through my head all day long. I masturbate to know my own body and to hear my own pleasure. I masturbate to give myself some time for me, sometimes it's just once a week, sometimes it's twice a day. Years ago, I often had entire days where I would stay in bed, read a book, jack off, take a nap... wake up, read some more, take a nap, wake up, jack off again, back to nap, all day long. Such decadence. Those days are sweet and rare now, but I delight in the luxury of them so much more. -Kitty

"I masturbate..." Day Twenty-Seven

2011-05-27T08:40:00.000-07:00

I masturbate because it feels good, because it's hot, because it's fun, it makes me feel sexy,because it makes me happy,because it's mine and because it reminds me that I belong to me.

I've loved getting off with myself since I figured out how at 13. Masturbation was an important physical, psychological and emotional safe space for me during adolescence,as my early childhood involved a lot of incredibly negative overcultural and intracommunal messages around being a nerdy black boy with multiple chronic health issues. Masturbation let me know it was possible to eventually be the kind of man, the kind of person I wanted to be.

Masturbation for me has long held elements and ideas of personal and political resistance- resistance against narrow social conscriptions that discourage or deny bodily autonomy and integrity; against cultural nationalist "self-determination" and "liberation" rhetorics steeped in internalized racism,misogyny, and sexual shaming;against a variety of male "rites of passage" ceremonies that involve fearful and hateful misogynist and homophobic contextualizations of joy and the ecstatic as "feminine" and therefore dirty,worthless, undesirable,or simply a waste of time.

Masturbation is part of my ongoing self-care and was my first intersectional advocacy conversation before I had a formal understanding of the concept. Masturbation helps keep me aware, connected and continually working on being a good human. -Juba Kalamka

"I masturbate..." Day Twenty-Six

2011-05-26T08:52:00.000-07:00

I masturbate because I love it. I want to feel that delight and that delirium to reach the darkest most erotic areas of my mind. Here I can go so many places my body is not always able to endure. I can be with anyone and be anywhere. I can remember a wonderful sexual encounter and replay my favorite parts over and over. I masturbate to be a better lover learning everywhere I like to touch and give myself permission to try something new. -Severina

"I masturbate..." Day Twenty-Five

2011-05-25T08:35:00.000-07:00

I masturbate therefore I am. It’s a philosophical discussion really. I feel alive when I masturbate. I masturbate for sanity. I masturbate persistently but not consistently. I sometimes masturbate five times in a day and sometimes go five days without. It’s relaxation, meditation, and pornification all rolled into one for me. I love how my masturbation fantasies have evolved for me over time. I remember when a threesome was a wild fantasy. Now, it can be anything from octopus bondage to extreme abduction scenes. Of course, there’s always room for gentle realities to stimulate my libido. Oftentimes I use toys, the N’joy Eleven as seen in the photo, the Betty Dodson Barbell, and of course my beloved Hitachi to name a few favorites, but it’s also interesting to simply use the hands.

Speaking of which, I had a dominant hand wrist injury last year and had to learn to masturbate entirely with my weaker hand. I would stroke myself in frustration, sometimes leading to tears. It brought me to an amazing self-discovery on how dependent I had become on my own “dominance”. The toppy behavior that had brought me many profound experiences and loves was beginning to impede me from deeper connection. So the psychological work that occurs from unburying parts of our selves is paramount to my masturbation.

Sometimes I will get a Proustian moment, a sexual memory, whether difficult or beautiful and I can allow it to be or I can reform it into a sexually empowering experience. Of course, even the straight up pornographic masturbations can bring excellent results. Being aware of my carnal needs and then fulfilling them has been a blessing in helping me evolve into the independent and sexually self confident woman I am. I masturbate to relax, to play, to laugh and to enjoy life! I love masturbating my partners also, watching their expressions, how their bodies respond, and taking them to the edge and back again delights me to no end. In the end, whether I masturbate for relaxation, meditation, or pornification, I masturbate, donc, je suis. -Eve Minax

"I masturbate..." Day Twenty-Four

2011-05-24T08:32:00.000-07:00

I masturbate because it feels good. I can be completely selfish with myself and not worry about anyone else. Me time. I strive to improve my orgasms. So don't bother me.

The older I get the fussier I've become. I'd rather spend quality time with myself than attend a social event or keep up appearances. Our society is too aggressive. Someone is always trying to sell me something or influence my mind or change my behavior. I can’t think of a better way to shut out all the noise than to undress and get with it.

Why is masturbation so shameful? I know I have to work through a mountain of shame to get a great orgasm.
Society uses shame to maintain social order and regulate human behavior. The body is diminished. We even treat it with ridicule. I think we’ve gone too far. Isn’t the body supposedly made in God’s image? Does he have a penis? Is he ashamed of his?

When I have an orgasm I feel close to God.
-Jim

"I masturbate..." Day Twenty-Three

2011-05-23T10:00:00.000-07:00

I masturbate because my body deserves pleasure. No shame, no fear, no guilt.

One of my best friends bestowed that shower head to me. She was moving out of our building and her new place only had a tub faucet. When she handed it to me, she had this knowing look in her eye, "Here you go. Enjoy." I wasn't sure what she meant, but then I hooked it up. After sliding the discs this way and that, I found it: the perfect pulsating pressure. I texted her, "Best shower ever." And she texted back, "You're welcome, and you owe me." -Airial

"I masturbate..." Day Twenty-Two

2011-05-22T00:00:00.000-07:00

I masturbate whenever I'm able to. Living with my mother and son can make it difficult to just enjoy it anywhere, anytime. I love making myself feel good, like no other can, releasing stress and basking in sensation. Most commonly, I end up in the shower or my bedroom (after midnight), snatching that piece of alone time and embracing it with ecstasy. -Jen

"I masturbate..." Day Twenty-One

2011-05-21T00:30:00.000-07:00

I masturbate because I am emerging, like the chrysalis of a butterfly. Spreading my wings and moving towards light. I am free and in the perfect moment. Breath meets beat. Dancing with the rhythm of vibration, a song playing on my clit. I am one with myself. Connected, present, ecstacy melting down my face. I am power, I am fire, I am energy moving, teasing, tantalizing. I am blossoming, growing, and evolving with orgasmic bliss. -Lolo

"I masturbate..." Day Twenty

2011-05-20T08:24:00.000-07:00

I masturbate as an act of self-care. I often imagine scenarios of coercion, in which I'm either giving or receiving-- I flip back and forth, a true switch. Pain intensifies my orgasms, but isn't required. I can come simply from feeling leather softly caress my wet, swollen cunt. I can come again from turning slowly to bite the inside of my own wrist. I can come a third and fourth time from slapping my pussy hard while I imagine my legs bound spread-eagle and my body being used as a fuckhole. At some point, my orgasms will start to roll. If I'm feeling fancy I'll get out a cane to create flashes of exquisite rapture with each hard stroke. Endorphins flying high, I might conjure up memories of a girl I beat the week before, the image of her youthful vulnerability, tears, and bruised flesh causing me to peak all the harder. I enjoy withholding penetration until I can stand it no longer. I imagine begging for it. "Daddy, pretty please? I need your cock inside of me and I've been such a good girl." My cunt, so hungry, finally grabs onto the cock, pulling it deep inside, pushing it out again. I fuck myself as hard as I fuck my own girl. I keep coming. I haven't yet found the end of my body's ability. I usually stop because I'm overwhelmed, I've run out of time, or I'm too sore to continue. - Leland Carina
LelandCarina.com

*all acts referred to above are about play between consenting adults

"I masturbate..." Day Nineteen

2011-05-19T09:26:00.000-07:00

I masturbate and my mind wanders as much as my hands. There are special fantasies and special spots, sensitive places on my body and secret situations that meander to the front of my thoughts then dance back into the shadows. Technology has been steadily creeping into my bedroom, (or sofa, or kitchen table...) and it gives me both something concrete to focus the wondering and a springboard for more elaborate technolusts. Masturbation as alternative to war. Teledildonics as pathway to the divine. -Damani Starr

"I masturbate..." Day Eighteen

2011-05-18T09:45:00.000-07:00

Masturbation gives me some of my best orgasms. I love it for the orgasms alone, but I also do it to relieve pain, leg cramps, cranky moods, anxiety, and to help me get to sleep. I like to do it daily, finding that when I stop for a while the orgasms are smaller and less fulfilling, and I need to get back in practice to have the best ones again. I love my Wahl, it's the best tool out there for me, nothing else gives the groaning, heart pounding acmes I want. -Elle

"I masturbate..." Day Seventeen

2011-05-17T09:00:00.000-07:00

I masturbate because I love it! I can have all the partnered sex one can offer, and I still need to masturbate. It is a form of sex after all. I watch porn when I masturbate. I like watching a scene that will probably never occur in my life in exactly that way. I can get into a fantasy and really play with the voyeuristic energy and stroke myself for a good amount of time before cumming. I'll bring myself right up to the edge of orgasm and then back off until I can't take it anymore and have to release. I also like masturbating in public spaces. As to where...well, some things are best kept secret! -Andrew

"I masturbate..." Day Sixteen

2011-05-16T08:53:00.000-07:00

I masturbate when I’m bored, tired, cozy, horny, lonely, excited, celebratory, or in need of self-care. I masturbate one, two, three times a day, with my hands or with a vibrator, sometimes on my back, but usually on my belly.

I masturbate because it makes me feel warm, embodied, juicy, alert, calm, self-possessed, and fulfilled. I masturbate to celebrate my body and my sovereignty.

I masturbate and am not ashamed to do so. There are other things I do when I’m alone that are far more embarrassing... -Allison

"I masturbate..." Day Fifteen

2011-05-15T10:46:00.000-07:00

I masturbate when I'm tired of people's drama. And when a fantasy is dreamy and divine. When I feel there's no tomorrow. It's best to masturbate when angry to release the demons inside. I like to watch or be watched sometimes... -Carmin

"I masturbate..." Day Fourteen

2011-05-14T11:04:00.000-07:00

They say masturbation relieves stress. It makes me wonder why I don’t masturbate more. I know when I'm feeling sexual and I want sex; it’s pretty much all the time. Being divorced but most recently having been in a committed relationship where we lived separately (both of us with kids), it was tough - damn near IMPOSSIBLE sometimes - to have sex on demand. Masturbation was my go-to. That said, I don’t masturbate as often as I need. I’m not sure why… maybe I’m simply just too busy! I have no need to be the master of my domain. Plus I have plenty of stress in my life that needs to be relieved. ;) Happy Masturbation Month!

“Maybe this will take off and Hallmark will make a card for it next year.” -This Blogger

"I masturbate..." Day Thirteen

2011-05-13T11:43:00.000-07:00

I masturbate because I never have to worry about being too much for myself. I have a high libido and a lifetime of conditioning has made me self-conscious about being too intense, too hungry, too sexual, too wet, or too kinky for even my most enthusiastic and generous lovers. But I can always rely on myself to get me off as often as I want and in exactly the way I need. I sometimes think that if I didn't masturbate, the sheer force of my sexual desire might destroy the world--or at least my ability to make intelligent decisions. -Rhiannon

"I masturbate..." Day Twelve

2011-05-12T09:01:00.000-07:00

I masturbate because I love it! I love the warm feeling I get throughout my whole body. I love being the one to please me. I love being able to show my partner how I love me and how they can love me too. I love the intimacy of sharing something that is usually done in secret. I love letting my partner see something that really no one else (until now) really sees. I love the fantasies that go through my head. I love that it clears my head. I love that it re-energizes me. I love that it relieves stress. I love to masturbate! -Leilani

"I masturbate..." Day Eleven

2011-05-11T09:04:00.000-07:00


Copyright 2011 Shilo McCabe

I masturbate to explore fantasies and admit desires to myself. Those desires are sometimes sexual, sometimes not. The act of masturbation becomes a place and that place is where I can react to my thoughts and feelings without so much shame.

Masturbation is a free state for me, like driving in my car alone or wading in a creek. Sometimes masturbation is touching myself idly while I process the day. The pleasure and love I am showing my body helps keep my negative internal voices from being so harshly critical of the days actions and decisions. Sometimes when something good has happened to me or I have had a special connection with someone and have not been able to take it all in, I look forward to time in bed alone where I can replay it and fully let in the joy. I might touch myself, not necessarily to orgasm, but in concert with my positive thoughts.

Other times masturbation comes with the nastiest of porn, always just short of satisfying. These nights always leave me fantasizing about producing my own porn. Those fantasies can certainly elicit some good jacking off.

Most importantly, I explore sexual fantasies through masturbation. I fantasize in a visual way, picturing everything like a movie with a third-person point of view. Sometimes the players are myself and my partner, random Butches, beautiful Femmes, 10 gay men, or anyone else who moved me throughout my day.

Recently, I have found the courage to embrace my Butch Cock and even share this with others.
-Bobby

...

I masturbate because it feels good.

Well, actually it's a little more complex than that for me. You see, I am a "good" southern girl who grew up in the late 60s and 70s and no one ever thought to explain to me what an orgasm was, let alone masturbation. The avoidance of this "taboo" subject resulted in me not having my first orgasm until I was 28. It was with my first girlfriend and it was mind blowing! After that, masturbation was something I did to get to know my body and understand how it worked. I wanted to know what felt good to me, how I liked to get off and what turned me on. Then, it evolved into a way to access BDSM fantasies I was having which I couldn't share with the same girlfriend that just a few years earlier had made me come for the first time.

Fast forward a few years. I was pregnant with my daughter. During my second and most of my third trimester I was insanely aroused. I wanted sex all the time. I felt beautiful and sexy and despite my attempts at seduction my then wife wouldn't budge; she was afraid of "hurting the baby". Even if she had been willing I don't know that it would have satisfied my huge desire. I took matters into my own hands, literally and figuratively. I started masturbating in the shower everyday, sometimes more than once a day. I had never climaxed quite like I could during those few months. My fantasies became movie like - vivid and complex. This period forever changed how I related to masturbation. It changed from something I did to feel good, to something I did to fuel my fantasies and then to fuel my shared sex life with my wife.

Now a little over six years later, masturbation has become a integral part of how I share myself with my lover. I still masturbate alone, mostly in the shower or tub, but I also do it with my lover in various configurations. Really, masturbation is not as much about self-pleasure as it is about trying to understand my desires and fantasies and then sharing them so they can be realized.

Seventeen years after that first orgasm the stigma has been stripped away for me and what's left is a profound sense of how masturbation makes my life more full and open.
-rpr

"I masturbate..." Day Ten

2011-05-10T13:11:00.000-07:00

I masturbate however I like. Sometimes it's quick and dirty, other times it's particular, complicated, and seemingly fussy. I especially love when I can incorporate elaborate fantasies, costumes, and props! I have a myriad of kinks and fetishes and when I masturbate I am not afraid to play with them. Really, that's what masturbation is for me! Play! If I'm having fun and feeling good, then I'm always doing it right.
- Miss Lola Sunshine

"I masturbate..." Day Nine

2011-05-09T07:41:00.000-07:00

"I am a master masturbater. I am a well oiled and skilled masturbating machine.   I have polished and fine-tuned my talent and mastered it into a science. I can come all day long for myself. Since I have the stamina of roughly 60 horny goats. What else would you expect from a mischievous faun like me?!

I have been practicing the art of masterbating since I was five. Even though I was raised by Bible-thumping Christian fundamentalists I some how saw past the bullshit of hairy palms and God watching and had no shame in my childhood. If God was watching me jack off I think that is super creepy more than me being wrong... doesn't he have more important things to do than be a icky pedophile? When I was six I discovered the magical water jets in my friends pool and would never miss a chance to get creative with sprinkler heads. Water was a big part of my life because I was born in water and I grew up in Arizona, it's so hot there you have to be in the water if you are outside during the summer or you will die of heat exhaustion, seriously. When I discovered my mom's Hitachi Magic Wand I shared it with the girl next door when I was seven.   I almost electrocuted my mini dick off when it shorted out and it caught my bed sheet on fire! I really don't know how my parents didn't find out.

I remember the day the shame finally kicked in, I was around thirteen. At this age I realized I wasn't growing a penis and instead blood was painfully gushing out of a hole I didn't even know was there (Christians don't do sex-ed very well and I didn't understand that I was a "female".) so I wasn't feeling too hot about myself.   Since I didn't know I was trans, or that transness even existed, I just thought I was a crazy demon-possessed freak. I lost interest for a while and once I left the Bible alone and started researching reality by reading other books, the Internet wasn't really ready for my questions in the 90's, I re-discovered how kick-ass orgasms are. I learned loving yourself makes orgasms feel so much better. Hate-masturbating, which is jacking off while hating one's self, takes a lot of energy out of me and the orgasm is all short and not that satisfying - comparable to eating a pop-tart for breakfast. If I am super into myself and figuring out every beautiful inch of my body and loving every molecule my orgasm lasts for so long and it is like an instant recharge - comparable to eating eggs and toast with butter and honey ... I love mixing food and sex together, but that's for an other shoot and/or blog.            - Puck Goodfellow

"I masturbate..." Day Eight

2011-05-08T10:33:00.000-07:00


Copyright 2011 Shilo McCabe

I masturbate almost daily. Self-love is the most powerful way I give self-care. The orgasm-endorphin rush helps to regulate my moods, it keeps the depression demons away, it mellows out the anxiety monsters. After giving myself an orgasm I feel more centered in my own body, more present in the moment. I am the calm center of the universe, alive with creative energy; I feel life pumping through my veins. I also feel closer to my partner - I feel love for her as I love myself.

For years I used to feel guilt and shame after masturbating; but I would keep doing it, nonetheless. So, naturally I felt weak and depressed that I had this "compulsion". I wondered what was wrong with me. I was caught in a guilt cycle and self-love was more like self-flagellation. It was a confusing time.

Now that I'm older I understand the healing power of masturbating with intent - intent to love, nurture and center myself; intent to put my positive energy into the universe and to receive positive energy back into my being. Intent to know myself better than anyone else; intent to always be there for myself and intent to never be ashamed of my body or the way that I touch and love it. -Shi

"I masturbate..." Day Seven

2011-05-07T10:15:00.000-07:00

When I masturbate, I have some rather elaborate fantasies involving dungeons, stables, or 3 gay boys in a grungy, poorly lit bathroom. But what I think is the most important aspect of masturbation for myself, is the act of connecting with my body and discovering its wants and needs. Of allowing myself the time and energy to please and love myself and thus be able to be pleased and loved by another. -Angrahad

"I masturbate..." Day Sex... er, I mean Six

2011-05-06T08:48:00.000-07:00

I masturbate because it feels good! In my opinion, sex is meant to be a positive, pleasurable, and healthy thing, and who better to love my body than me? -Sonya

I agree with Dossie Easton and Catherine Lisz, authors of Ethical Slut that the basic unit of sex is not a pair, but ONE--and when I know myself and what I like, I can combine my energy with others in a healthy way. Masturbation is not only an important part of my solo sex life, it makes for sexxxy partner play too. -Jeff

"I masturbate..." Day Five

2011-05-05T09:47:00.000-07:00

I masturbate:

because I'm horny,

because I'm bored,

because I have insomnia,

because I have a headache,

because my bed feels so warm and nice in the morning,

because the sheets feel so cool at night,

because I have writer's block,

because my imagination is running wild,

because I am creating,

because I want to know how my body feels,

because you're cute,

because I'm cute,

because I can't help but think about what it might be like to
fuck you,

because I had a crazy dream,

because it makes me feel like I can take over the world,

because it reduces my stress when the world is wearing on me,

because I fantasize about impossible things,

because I love when the smell of my aroused cunt first
hits my nose,

because it makes me feel good.

I masturbate.

- Maggie Mayhem

(The stunning painting in this photo is by Nancy Peach)

"I masturbate..." Day Four

2011-05-04T00:23:00.000-07:00

I masturbate for self discovery and inner growth. I masturbate because every time I do, it reminds me that I'm alive and that I matter to myself. I masturbate in fun and play as well as in sorrow and sadness. I masturbate for more than just an orgasm. I masturbate in as many different ways as I can, staying true to both my cock and my cunt. I masturbate for the experience of having and seeing all of me, and giving that experience to myself even if it is only for a moment. -Christy

"I masturbate..." Day Three

2011-05-03T10:38:00.000-07:00

I masturbate because it helps me work through my sexual shame. Don't get me wrong, it feels great and is, as Woody Allen said, "sex with someone I love," but it is also one of the most culturally charged acts in America. Heck, if a United States Surgeon General can get fired for recommending that masturbation be taught as a form of safer sex, then you know its got some cultural stigma.

And because I've "inherited" a decent amount of sexual shame, and because I'm an educator who is passionate about getting people to talk in more empowered ways about sex and intimacy, masturbation is the perfect place to put my attention if I want to help free myself of the guilt and sex negativity that so many of us carry. And those stigmas are so strong, that, well... Sometimes you shouldn't do it alone! Bring backup! Happy Masturbation Month, everyone! (Ps. If you think masturbation is dirty, just do it in the tub!)

~Sex and relationship expert Reid Mihalko of ReidAboutSex.com

"I masturbate..." Day Two

2011-05-02T12:50:00.000-07:00

I masturbate lying on my stomach, rubbing around and around on a pillow. Through the years I've felt embarrassment and self consciousness about not being "the kind of girl" who could make herself cum just by using her fingers.
- Charlotte Leon

"I masturbate..." Day One

2011-05-01T13:16:00.000-07:00

I masturbate shamelessly. I do it for pleasure, for relaxation, for stress relief, to cure insomnia and headaches, to process emotional baggage, to explore new sexual desires, to connect with other partners and to understand my own sexuality. Mostly, I masturbate for fun. I do it alone, and I do it with others. I do it every day. I touch myself however it feels best, and I think about whatever makes me hot. I use my hands, sex toys, lubricants, imagination and pornography - and also banana peels, plungers, electric shavers, back massagers, moisturizer, and old socks. I think about things I have done, things I would like to do, and things I would never do. Some fantasies make me proud, while others make me blush. Some do both. Sometimes I decide to share these fantasies with a partner, but I allow myself to keep them in my head when I want to. When I masturbate, I give myself exactly what I want without guilt or external obligation. No matter how I masturbate, nobody can ever tell me that I'm doing it wrong. Masturbation is one of the only activities in my life that I do entirely selfishly. I masturbate for myself alone, and anyone who doesn't like it can fuck themselves. -Ned

National Masturbation Month is here!

2011-05-01T13:09:00.000-07:00

During the month of May, we will celebrate National Masturbation Month with daily sex positive photos of people masturbating and sharing personal stories. This came about because I was asked if I had any tips for becoming more sex positive. Without hesitation I said "Masturbate!"

Our sex negative culture tends to foster feelings of shame around the topic of masturbation. Dominant religions teach that it is wrong, or a sin. When researching masturbation it is impossible not to stumble upon websites that talk about how to stop masturbating - how to solve your masturbation "problem".

I'm here to say otherwise. I'm not here to say you have to masturbate, but I'm here to say that masturbation can be a positive force in your life, and that it does not have to be tied up in feelings of shame. I'm here, with the help of an incredible group of people who have shared themselves and their stories with me, to do our small part to chip away at the stigma associated with masturbation. We're here to so say proudly "I masturbate!"

Masturbation is Orgasmic Revolution, Guest Post by Lolo Winters

2011-04-29T08:51:00.000-07:00

Masturbation is an orgasmic revolution. To know yourself is to love yourself. I am a huge advocate of masturbation. I sing its praises daily, to coworkers, housemates, strangers on the street. I believe in it whole heartedly because I believe it can change the world. If we know what our body likes, what feels good, then we communicate that to someone else and have a joyful, ecstatic sex life. If we can give ourselves orgasms each day, what a happier life it would be. Imagine waking up each morning and having an orgasm, or four. We would spread love and good will to everyone we meet. We would smile at the person handing us our coffee. We would be inspired to send good thoughts to the person that cut us off in our car. We could breathe. I always say that if everyone was just cumming, we could stop war. We could solve the crazy problems in this world. That may seem simple and far fetched, but I meet people everyday that don’t understand their bodies. There is so much pain in their eyes. As a sexual health educator I have held space for people that have never had an orgasm. I meet people that have been married for years and their partners do not have any idea what gets them off. I have had people cry to me, laugh with me, be rude to me, be scared, timid and shy. There is so much charge behind sexuality. We have been taught that it is wrong to touch ourselves, to love ourselves. We have been taught to be sexy for others. What about being sexy for ourselves? My first piece of advice to help these beautiful people I meet everyday, is to masturbate. Learn what your body loves. Touch yourself, make love to yourself. You really only have yourself when it comes down to it, so shouldn’t you prioritize making your body feel loved and delicious and cradled and held?

My next piece of advice is practice, practice, practice. I have had the pleasure of masturbating since I escaped from the womb (or at least it feels that way). I remember getting in trouble in pre school for rubbing against the pillow, and then my stuffed animals, and then long showers (strong water pressure is always a blessing), and the story goes on. People tried to make me feel ashamed for my actions. They tried to tell me it was wrong. But despite the trouble I get in for being stubborn from time to time, this is an instance where it paid off. How could something that feels so good, be so wrong? I wasn’t hurting anyone. When I masturbate I send out waves of joy to the universe. I sigh with relief, thankful for the release. As hard as my day was, I can always come home to my vibrator. As sad as I feel, an orgasm can bring me joy and bring me back to myself. There are very few things in this world that have no strings attached. My vibrator doesn’t want anything from me. It is happy waiting patiently until I lay down at the end of the day. It doesn’t get mad at me for staying out late, it doesn’t bring worries of babies or disease. It is absolute and pure joy.

May is National Masturbation Month. It is, by far, my favorite month of the year. My birthday is great, and anyone who knows me, knows I take my birthday month very seriously. But May is a time we can all celebrate. We can collectively cum. We can bring ecstatic energy into the universe. We can commit to loving ourselves like we have never loved anything before. Because as the saying goes, if you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you going to love anyone else?? (Thank you RuPaul for your words of wisdom). So get out there and bring ecstasy to your face. Become flushed with orgasmic bliss. Cum before work, cum after work, cum whenever you can. I commit to May and I hope you do, too. So when we pass each other on the street, we will know that we are going to have an amazing day, regardless of whatever tries to bring us down. We have orgasms. We have love for ourselves. Go out and start an orgasmic revolution. Change the world, one orgasm at a time.

In anticipation of National Masturbation Month, Guest Post by Jenna Talia

2011-04-26T09:27:00.000-07:00

I Masturbate: A Masturbation Memoir by Jenna Talia

I masturbate. I polish the pearl, tickle the taco, rub the nub, grope the grotto, stroke the banjo. Or, what I find to be the most accurate, I practice self-love.

My 20-something year old life is divided into two parts: pre-masturbation-induced orgasm, and post.

Masturbation was not an option that I ever knew existed as a child. I was raised Catholic and attended Catholic school for 9 years, until I entered high school. Our abstinence-only curriculum made no mention of sexual desire amongst us horny, hormonal, just-entering-puberty young’uns. Sex was for marriage, and for procreation. End of story.

This led to a series of confusing years. I was a very aroused girl. I recall when I was young, pausing “Edward Scissor Hands” in the hairdressing scene to show my grandmother, because it “made me feel good”! As I got older, I would lie in bed at night, wondering how to ease the throbbing sensation in my groin. A few times my hands would venture south, but to no avail. I was always overcome with guilt or fear of being caught before anything actually came of my wanderings. I was doomed to be sexually frustrated for life.

I decided that I was ready to do the deed when I was 18 years old, in my last year of high school. All of my life force and energy had slowly started to gravitate around my loins, until sex was all that I could think about. There was no way I was going to be a productive college student if I decided to abstain from sex until marriage! I think that due to my lack of education around female masturbation and orgasm, self-pleasure never became a viable option for me. So sex it was!

Things to know: my first sex partner was also my “first love”. I was able to orgasm during P-V sex with said partner. Partner and I broke up when I was in college.

For those of you who experienced your first snap, crackle, pop, explosions in the sky, “holy shit!!” orgasm with a partner, you know what kind of emotional breakdown that can cause when you are no longer with that partner. “Where did my orgasm go?” The fact that another person was the one that enabled my body to experience such wondrous, beautiful, extraordinary sensations that finally gave me sexual satisfaction, and had helped me to embrace my sexuality, made it very difficult for me to understand my body once I was alone.

I had sex with other people but I couldn’t come again. I didn’t know what to do! And dammit, I wanted to come again! In addition to feeling “broken” because I wasn’t orgasmic with other partners, this also made getting over my first lover very difficult… I tried revisiting my pitiful attempts at masturbation, but my fingertips lacked the magic touch.

Concurrently, I was training to become a peer sexual health educator at my college. In hindsight, that was a very interesting experience, as I was really getting my first comprehensive sex education while being trained to teach others. One of our lessons was on masturbation. “Yeah, yeah,” I would say. “It’s not for everyone, that’s for sure!” We took a trip to a local sex-positive adult store, Good Vibrations, where I would later end up working. On our trip I decided to buy a vibrator, to enable me to be a better educator and know what I was talking about when speaking with others about sex toys. And thus began the rest of my life.

Masturbation was not an intuitive process for me. While I knew a bit more about my body at this point than I did when I was in high school, I still didn’t really know where to start. Purchasing that vibrator was a step in the right direction, however. It made me reflect on why I gave up on masturbation so easily, and I eventually became determined to give myself an orgasm if it was the last thing I did!

I remember fondly those initial attempts at masturbation, trying to decide what would hopefully, maybe, just this once work for me. I tried using my vibrator in the shower, at one of my roommates’ suggestion. I tried different positions on my bed – on my back, on my belly, on my knees. I tried reading erotica. Nothing was working. Then I tried closing my eyes and fantasizing about being with a partner – the only way I had been able to orgasm thus far. I tried to be as vivid as possible when creating the image of someone on top of me, fucking me, at the angle that I was always able to come in. I used the vibrator as a dildo, pretending it was my partner, and then used the vibration settings on my clit. Shazaam!

Words cannot express how I felt after being able to give myself an orgasm. I remember being flushed, running out of my room holding my vibrator, exclaiming, “I did it!!!” I felt so accomplished, and I also felt so much more appreciation for my body and the wonderful feelings I was capable of having. The realization that I did not need to depend on anyone to be able to give me a mind-blowing orgasm was so empowering, and I only wished I could have figured it out earlier.

While this was a very goal-oriented process, focused solely on orgasm, I think it was necessary for me to be able to recognize what other types of sensations I enjoyed beyond the orgasm itself. I learned that I am a very visual person, thus the fantasy was what I needed to push me over the edge. I later opened myself up to watching porn, and now that is a regular masturbation practice that I use and love. I discovered that I need more internal stimulation than a lot of other women, and do not tend to orgasm from clitoral stimulation alone. I found that I love the feeling of vibration, which no fingers, tongue, or penis feel like. I realized that I am capable of expressing my love for myself and my body in this way, and nothing else makes me feel more at peace with myself.

After figuring out what types of stimulation I needed to be able to orgasm, I was capable of orgasming during sex from then on! It is incredible what a difference it makes, discovering what you like during solo sex and how that positively impacts the pleasure during partnered sex. Being able to orgasm on my own also changed my experience during sex with a partner. I became less expectant, and more of an equal and present partner. It stopped being about hoping I would orgasm, and instead I could enjoy the entire process, and pay more attention to my partner as well.

I now masturbate on a regular basis, and am a masturbation advocate. It was a life-changing process of getting to know my body as well as my sexuality. While I would never tell someone that they needed to masturbate, I think that it has the potential to completely shift one’s view on sex and pleasure in a positive way, and is something worth considering. Three cheers for masturbation!

Three cheers for Jenna Talia, too! You can follow her on twitter: www.twitter.com/askjennatalia

Sunday, May 1st begins National Masturbation Month and the launch of "I masturbate..." here at The Sex Positive Photo Project blog. Check in daily for sex positive masturbation photos and stories. Masturbation! Rah! Rah! Rah!

M. Christian, Master of Erotica

2011-03-30T10:48:00.000-07:00

M.Christian is - among many things - an acknowledged master of erotica with more than 300 stories in such anthologies as Best American Erotica, Best Gay Erotica, Best Lesbian Erotica, Best Bisexual Erotica, Best Fetish Erotica, and many, many other anthologies, magazines, and Web sites.

He is the editor of 25 anthologies including the Best S/M Erotica series, The Burning Pen, Guilty Pleasures, The Mammoth Book of Future Cops and The Mammoth Book of Tales of the Road (with Maxim Jakubowksi) and Confessions, Garden of Perverse, and Amazons (with Sage Vivant) as well as many others.

He is the author of the collections Dirty Words, Speaking Parts, The Bachelor Machine, Licks & Promises, Filthy, Love Without Gun Control, Rude Mechanicals, and Coming Together Presents M.Christian, Pornotopia, How To Write And Sell Erotica; and the novels Running Dry, The Very Bloody Marys, Me2, Brushes, and Painted Doll.

Text reprinted with permission from M. Christian's blog.

Shibari Relief - Sunday, March 27th

2011-03-22T16:28:00.000-07:00

I'm happy to be supporting Shibari Relief, a kinky artist's fundraiser for disaster relief in Japan.

Patti Beadles and Mark I. Chester have organized a kinky art silent auction/sale/raffle of BSDM art, sexual art and other related items to be held at Wicked Grounds this Sunday, March 27th from 2-5 pm. I will be donating a 16x20 print of my winged Jiz Lee photo, which was a part of their Karma Pervs project. The print will be signed by both myself and Jiz Lee. This is the very first printing of this image and the only one that will be signed by both of us.

100% of the proceeds go directly to the American Red Cross, earmarked for disaster relief in Japan. Please come out and support the event, and have some awesome coffee and sweet treats. And you can even dress to impress if you want because as a special added bonus, anyone making a donation at the door will get a ticket to get two free digital pix taken by San Francisco gay radical sex photographer, Mark I Chester at his studio at 1229 Folsom St., just 1/2 block from Wicked Grounds, from 3-5pm during the fundraiser.

I'll see you there! I'll be the one picking up some of Miss Maggie Mayhem's artisian clothespins!

Do you masturbate?

2011-03-10T20:02:00.000-08:00

I had a recent experience during a Sex Positive panel sponsored by The Mills Women's Health Resource Center. An audience member asked the panel, "Do you have tips for becoming more sex positive?" I spoke up and enthusiastically said "Masturbate!". The laughter and applause that followed my response pretty much signaled the end of that question and we moved on to the next. But it kept bugging me afterward, I wished I had elaborated. Because I was serious!

I want to elaborate on the topic of masturbation and how amazing it can be now. With a project I'm calling "I masturbate..."

In celebration of National Masturbation Month (this May) I will post a daily photo of someone masturbating, along with some text from them that completes the statement "I masturbate...", something along the lines of why they masturbate or what is the best thing about masturbation, etc. The idea is to create a sex-positive celebration of masturbation for the entire month of May.

I need a minimum of 31 people for this – and I’ll need to shoot most of them in March and April in order to meet this audacious goal. The images I take, though obviously sexual in nature will not necessarily be explicit – it will probably vary based on what each person does, each person’s individual vibe (pun intended) and energy.

Charlie Glickman was awesome enough to announce this on the Good Vibrations blog. Huge thanks for that!

If you are local to the bay area and interested in being a part of this project please contact me! And please spread the word. Time is of the essence!

I am a sex positive feminist photographer. Some thoughts about me and what I do

2011-02-15T16:20:00.000-08:00

I make pictures of people.

Sometimes they are having sex.
Sometimes they are being kinky.
Sometimes they are just sitting there thinking or smoking a cigar.

As a general rule, I don’t pose people. I photograph sincere moments that real people are experiencing. I photograph the energy of the moment, what is happening in the room. I document.

I don’t pre-visualize something and manipulate the models into position. More than anything I respect the extreme trust that someone puts into me, the woman with the camera.

This couple wanted to play out a "sex in the alley" fantasy scene. Everyone involved had an amazing time, even our "lookout" who was keeping guard from passers by who wanted to get a lookie-loo. Copyright Shilo McCabe 2011

It is important to me that people have a hand in helping to create their own representation, especially women - who have been historically deprived of the opportunity to do so. My work is a collaboration with the person or people in front of the camera. I want everyone involved with the shoot to feel completely comfortable with every part of the process, including the final images we create. I want them to retain that power. I'm not here to objectify, I'm here to document, often I document the erotic. My work is "docurotic".

I am not concerned about the "size of my lens".

I do not have a male gaze.

I think the problem with the traditional male gaze as seen in erotic photography is that the desire (and power) has been taken from the subject of the photo. She has been turned into an object that is incomplete without the (male) viewer and by implication, his desire for her as an object. Her power has been taken away and given to the viewer. My participants retain their desire and their power. The power of the image is within the subject of that image. They are complete and whole whether there is a viewer or not. When I photograph women in intimate situations these are women who are letting us respectfully watch.

I am a sex-positive feminist photographer.

Wax Play

2011-02-05T20:03:00.000-08:00

Karma Pervs

2011-01-21T20:29:00.000-08:00

I absolutely adore working with Jiz Lee... for so many reasons. Not only are they full of beauty that radiates from within, creativity, professionalism and a joyous spirit, they have such a sense of consciousness for community. Karma Pervs is a project that they created to raise money monthly for a variety of charities. Members get to see exclusive sexy photos and 100% of the funds are donated.

I'm so happy to contribute photos to such a wonderful and innovative project. This months images, (sneak peek above) are raising money as a "secret angel" for 2 bay area organizations near and dear to me that are doing wonderful work for kids. To find out more and sign up to see the full set: http://jizlee.com/wordpress/january-karma-pervs-secret-angel-donation/ .

Exclusive Interview with Courtney Trouble & Tina Horn, masterminds of Queer Porn TV

2010-11-19T12:04:00.000-08:00

Dylan Ryan for Queer Porn.TV copyright Shilo McCabe 2010

By Airial Clark
On the eve of launching Queer Porn TV, creators Courtney Trouble and Tina Horn gave an exclusive interview to The Sex Positive Photo Project of the SF Bay Area. Shilo has worked with Courtney and Tina as the still photographer for one of the scenes that will be available on the new Queer Porn TV site. While working together the three women recognized a shared passion for not only creating sex positive adult content, but also documenting the amazing people who make up the sex positive scene in San Francisco.

What is Queer Porn TV to you and how is it different than the previous website you created, NoFauxxx.com? What can you do, as a producer and creator with Queer Porn TV that you can’t do with NoFauxxx?

Courtney Trouble: I started NoFauxxx when I was 19 years old and didn’t know anything about starting a business or making porn or how to make it community driven. I was really just doing it as a hobby and because I felt like it needed to be done. Fast forward 8 years later and NoFauxxx is thriving. It has made a name for itself and carved out a genre.

I thought it would be cool to branch out and make another site that I could make from the ground up and collaborate a lot, mainly with Tina Horn. It’s sort of like, what would you tell your 19 year old self now? I get to build a porn website now, with all of this wealth of knowledge behind me.

NoFauxxx is not going anywhere, it’s going to keep going down it’s own path. With Queer Porn TV, I feel like I can start with a really strong community and take it a step farther.

For the consumer, what do you hope they can get from Queer Porn TV that they can’t get from NoFauxxx?

Courtney Trouble: There are three things that go along with NoFauxxx but you can only get from Queer Porn TV:

One is direct downloads, so you can purchase the scenes individually instead of just having to be a member, and being a member means you have access to it all, but this way you can buy just the scenes you want.

Secondly, the Star Pages have really in depth written bios as well as video interviews, so you really get to go in depth with who you are watching on screen.

Dylan Ryan for QueerPorn.tv copyright Shilo McCabe 2010

The third element unique to Queer Porn TV is Q-Tube, which is like X-Tube but specifically born within the queer community. By being able to make profiles and comments and upload their own amateur content and meet other people, Q-Tube allows not just our stars, but our audience and our community and anybody who happens upon the site to be a part of the Queer Porn Movement.

(more after the jump)

In the Queer Porn TV Manifesto you state your belief in Hardcore Sex Positivity, what does that mean?

Courtney Trouble: Sometimes the term sex positivity can end up this woo-woo, frou-frou word being thrown around without any meaning. It’s like it’s supposed to be claiming your own sexual desires regardless of what other people think, or to throw out other people’s judgments and own your sexuality in a positive way; that is what I’ve always understood sex positivity to mean. But the term has been watered down, almost diluted.

Tina Horn: Neutered

Courtney Trouble: Yes! So basically what we’re doing is giving sex positivity it’s balls back. For us that means allowing our stars to be their true authentic sexual selves while creating the potential for other people to judge what they are doing.

We have really heavy BDSM on our site, we have pissing, we have fisting, we have two non-consent fantasy scenes. We have a lot of stuff that people who claim to be sex-positive might have a problem with. But the point is what happens in the scene is completely dictated by the people having the sex. And what can be more sex positive than taking your deepest darkest desires, even if they’re taboo, and showing them on this brightly lit public platform in a positive light.

Tina Horn & Dylan Ryan for Queer Porn.tv copyright Shilo McCabe 2010

Why is it important to you that the stars have such in depth bios?

Tina Horn: I think that the importance of that came very natural to us when we started the project. The idea was to ask our friends and our community to come out and do the hottest, most extreme scenes they could do; hopefully a scene that they might not get the opportunity to do in other forums.

In talking to them while building the personality of the site, we knew we were going to be asking them questions that they had very interesting answers for. We had under our very noses, not only all of this hardcore content, but also a documentary of this sexually transgressive culture right now, and how people feel right now.

So we asked them in the video interviews for the star pages: ‘What is your definition of queer and what does queer mean to you?’ and ‘Do you consider yourself an exhibitionist and what does that mean to you?’ ‘What does being a sex worker mean to you?’ ‘How has porn changed your life?’

Courtney Trouble: ‘What are the positive things in your life that have come from making porn?’

Tina Horn: I think there are so many misconceptions about all of those subjects, and so many more subjects that we asked them about, and here we have these primary sources who, thankfully, are willing to be so gut wrenchingly honest with us because of the real relationships we have with them.

In particular, I really hope these primary source interviews can be used as fodder against those who say that essentially porn is degrading to women, who say that porn essentially exploits the performers, porn is essentially negative and should be destroyed in our society.

We have people saying “We love this! Don’t take this away from us!” So hopefully we’ll be able to make fools of anti-porn people.

And to me, while I am totally proud of the smut we’ve made, those video interviews are the thing I’m most proud of and I can’t wait to see how people react to it.

Is Queer Porn TV a platform for the existing Queer community to interact or a catalyst for more Queer people to get involved?

Courtney Trouble: Both

Tina Horn: We are documenting the Queer culture as it, but community isn’t static and culture isn’t static. Communities who are historically disenfranchised by society will thrive when they know, and see, a way they can proliferate, when they see their people being proud. In particular, the community that we are documenting is a community that is oppressed and suppressed.

We are extremely fortunate, and I think we take this for granted, that we can express ourselves without fear of judgment and it is almost our responsibility as San Francisco Queers to take what we have; which is the ability to walk down the street holding hands with our partners without fear of violence and hate, and use that to help Queer people who aren’t so fortunate. We get to create a worldwide network of people who can be proud of who they are and express their sexuality and get off and feel great.

Courtney Trouble: And within our community, we can only work with so much, Queer is such a large spectrum of different kinds of people and different kinds of identities. Queer Porn TV is definitely a platform to invite people to come in and add to that definition of Queer with resources and perspectives that we might not have in San Francisco.

Tina Horn: A very important part of the definition of Queer for me is inclusivity. I am not a separatist in any way. So to open porn up and say: “Anybody can be a queer porn star!” we really do believe that.

Also, the truth is that queer porn thrives financially because there are non-queer people who fetishize that culture. We definitely made Queer Porn TV for Queer people, but also with non-queer people in mind. Not just as a financial demographic, but also because we’re hoping to turn that idea of fetishizing Queer culture around and reclaiming it by saying, ok, if you want to jerk off to us, you’re going to have to speak our language.

Even though there is some sensationalism in how we market the site, you know, “Hot queers at their hardcore horniest” it’s always a little bit ironic and a little bit tongue in cheek. It’s like a Trojan horse; a way to get into people’s minds and computers and bedrooms with our radical politics that are obvious on the site. And not just ours, but the politics of all the people who have been involved.

Courtney is associated with coining the phrase Queer Porn, but also with the Do-It-Yourself Porn ethic, are you still DIY?

Courtney Trouble: I feel completely attached to the Do-it-yourself porn ethic. I see myself as an Indie business-person and as an artist who works for themselves. Not having the funds to start a huge company is the main reason most of my stuff is DIY but then more and more I fall in love with the aesthetic of it all. By using cheaper cameras and being really creative with the kind of lightning I can access, building the websites by myself, I am extremely attached to the way that ends up looking as an artist. It’s also the only way I can actually operate, so it works!

Tina Horn: We are completely self-funded and unfortunately we can’t afford to pay our actors as much as we think they are worth. But, at the same time, as a performer myself, I certainly don’t get paid as much as I would in LA to be a porn star. But my experience has been, and as a director for Queer Porn TV the experience I try to create is, that you get to do whatever kind of sexual performance you want, without any kinds of limits.

We don’t tell you how to groom yourself. We don’t tell you how to present yourself. We don’t tell you what is sexy. We tell you that you are fucking sexy.

And we provide a forum for that. For me, that is a great way to make money, even if it’s a little bit of money. I think it shows in the performances that people are so happy to have the opportunity to be their honest sexual selves. I hope that that comes across.

Hushed.

2010-11-17T12:53:00.000-08:00

Loving Needleplay @ The Purple Lotus, Oakland circa 2004

2010-11-10T12:33:00.000-08:00

Lick

2010-11-09T15:17:00.000-08:00

Unzip

2010-11-04T16:33:00.000-07:00

This image was created while I was a project manager for the Bay Area Women of Color Photo Project. ~Shilo

@ The Purple Lotus, Oakland CA 2004

2010-10-26T20:41:00.000-07:00


copyright Shilo McCabe 2010

Lorena. Berkeley, CA

2010-10-26T11:00:00.000-07:00

Love is Blind(folded)

2010-10-21T12:15:00.000-07:00

This is one from my archives and one of my personal favorites, ever. So much love & magic between these two. It was a very intense shoot. ~Shilo

Gender Outlaws, The Next Generation

2010-10-19T18:14:00.000-07:00

This image can be found in Kate Bornstein and S. Bear Bergman's anthology: Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation, available from Seal Press. I had the extreme pleasure to hear many of the authors read excerpts of their work last month in SF and I've already read my own copy cover to cover. This is one you'll want to have in your collection, folks. :)

Folsom St. Fair 2010

2010-10-07T09:20:00.000-07:00

Somehow, with the house guests and other weekend debauchery I missed a large part of the actual Folsom St. Fair this year. (oops!) However, I can still honestly say that it was my best Folsom weekend EVER! Thanks to the debaucherous house guests and the wonderful folks at The SF Citadel. That being said, I do wish the SF Citadel's women and trans only party had actually been women and trans only. Afterall, in the attempt to create a women/trans positive space letting that one bio-guy in does create a ripple in the force. Personally, I found it distracting, though I love my bio-boy brothers too. It's just that women/trans only play parties are few and far between and I would prefer that a hard line be held on this one.

Celebrate Bisexuality Day! Happy Autumn! Welcome Airial!

2010-09-23T16:57:00.000-07:00

I am pleased as punch to introduce Airial Clark to you. She is currently pursuing a Masters Degree in Human Sexuality Studies at San Francisco State University. She is also a Sexy Mama Blogger for Good Vibrations Magazine and is shedding more light on the vibrant sex positive community in Oakland by writing for Oakland Local. Airial will be a regular contributor to our blog, her words and my photographs balancing each other. ~Shilo

Today is both the first day of Autumn and Celebrate Bisexuality Day. And I feel the need to kick some knowledge.

We get two Equinoxes a year, right? Two days when the amount of time the earth is in shadow is equal to the amount of time exposed to the sun. I don’t equate dark with bad, or negative or scary, or something to be avoided. I don’t see light as inherently good, positive, something to always be in. Each state has something to value and something to limit. Balance. I’m always moving toward balance. That’s why the Solstices are significant to me too; the days of least balance. The Summer Solstice, for me is a moment of extreme exposure, baring my soul to the sun and to anybody else clever enough to pay attention, and the Winter Solstice is that feeling of complete saturation, restoration, my soul wrapped up in the sparkly dark. 4 days out of the 375 that are clear demarcation points.

I have no judgment for or against any of these; how could I? Who am I to sit in judgment of natural phenomena as powerful as the world spinning? What a waste of time to say the Summer Solstice is best and good and the only day to celebrate. Why see the Autumnal Equinox as a day of mourning because there will be less light? Why condemn the Winter Solstice for being too much dark? In this mode, 2 days are bad and 2 days are good. Only half of the year is good? Who says there are no struggles in the light? Who says there is only pain to be found in the dark? Not me. Nobody asked for my input when these rules were made. No one took into account my experiences when assigning value to these phenomena. I wasn’t around when these categorical decisions were made, and I feel no allegiance to them. I am Californian, where the fair weather is worth more than gold. I’ve never lived in Northern Europe, don’t have any sense of being afraid of winter storms, have not gone months upon months without seeing the sun. I’m not a farmer, druid, nor pagan, yet I celebrate the change in the seasons. You see? The natural world is mine to experience as I will. I can release what does not serve me. I do not have to accept the realities of those who have come before me.

My devotion to balance allows me to surrender to the moment. I can go so far into the dark because I know the light is just waiting for the turn of the earth, and vice versa. movimentum bilanx ~ In movement, I find balance and the Equinox is that perfect day of balance incarnate.

Now take everything I just said and apply it to sexual orientation. Want to make the correlation of the Summer Solstice as hetero and the Winter Solstice as homo and the two equinoxes as bisexuality? Instead of the wheel of a year, it’s the spectrum of sexuality we can move along, both as a species and within an individual’s lifespan. And take note, there is twice as much bisexuality represented on that wheel… coincidence? Hmm? Just an idea. How can one sit in judgment of something so personally powerful as sexuality?

I can’t value hetero over homo, just as I don’t see biexuality existing in reaction to those perceived poles. I don’t believe any behavior or lifestyle is more natural than any other. I see all three as biologically imperative to our survival as a hyper social species. I see all three as healthy forms of relationships, marriages, partnerships… whatever. Being bisexual is not about being more fickle, or more afraid, or more commitment shy then those who identify as hetero or homo. It is about who you love and when and why. The categories of hetero and homo were constructed without my input. Without my experiences being taken into consideration. They hold no personal value to me. Regardless of what my predecessors were trying to do back in the day when they decided this made sense; I see these hierarchical structures as vehicles of stigmatization and control. I am not interested in perpetuating this false dichotomy. I am very interested in dismantling it. We get to experience our world as we see fit. Sexual health is a basic fundamental human right. We need to define our sexuality based upon truth, pleasure and health. We can leave behind the abusive, the oppressive, the dysfunctional. A lot of work has to be done to move past both heteronormativity and mononormativity, but we can do it. It’s all about movement and balance.

To quote Michael Franti, “What I be is what I be.” I love that song. I love that man and his mission and his music and his method and his message. Yup, love it. His music makes me happy down to the core, soothes all my ruffled feathers; which seem to get ruffled so easily these days. It’s the reality infused with positivity that touches me. When he growls:

If I could be sex my words would protect

I'd be in the lives of all who connect

What the heck, I'd make it so we all got selected

pores would be dripping pure hot intellect and

The minds of the masses would all stay erect and

Then just for kicks, I'd mail out some checks

Addressed to those who sent their used latex in

Yes, that's what I would if I were sex

As a nerd this makes me happy, as a sex-positive researcher, advocate and writer this warms me, as a woman committed to a path of responsible hedonism, I am thrilled by it. This song is also about balance, the tautology of the self. I am both light and dark, I can not be one without the other.

Another Michael Franti line: “It’s not about who you love, but do you love?”

.....going on the injured list....

2010-06-28T20:14:00.000-07:00

An injury has slowed down The Sex Positive Photo Project for the moment, wish me a speedy recovery! I'll be back with more photos as soon as possible.

xoxo, Shilo

I cry Foul, Facebook!

2010-06-11T08:36:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Facebook deleted the fan page I had created for The Sex Positive Photo Project. And the 700 fans which I had s-l-o-w-l-y gathered over time were just gone *poof*.

I cry foul.

Here is the generic email they sent me:
...You created a Page that has violated our Terms of Use. A Facebook Page is a distinct presence used solely for business or promotional purposes. Among other things, Pages that are hateful, threatening, or obscene are not allowed. We also take down Pages that attack an individual or group, or that are set up by an unauthorized individual. If your Page was removed for any of the above reasons, it will not be reinstated...

So, the first part of that notice says that a Facebook Page is to be used solely for business or promotional uses. Check. My page was a promotional page for this photo project. But, for the life of me I can't figure out the business or promotional use of this facebook page: "I hate receiving text messages from Tiger Woods at 3am asking for sex".

Next, Facebook says that Pages cannot be hateful, check. Mine was not hateful. These Pages, however, are pretty solidly in the running for hateful: I hate when girls do/say stupid things for attention, I Hate Justin Bieber, and I Hate Dumb Bitches.

Threatening? Nope, not my page. But this one is hateful, threatening and pretty much obscene, if you ask me (they have some pics at their fan page depicting graphic violence.)

I get it that some of these pages are just "fun". I know that people create random pages all the time just to see how many people will "like" them. And I couldn't have cared less about all that until I was singled out and inexplicably had my page deleted. So far, I have not been able to locate a way to actually reach Facebook to ask for some answers. At this point I really don't care to even have a Facebook account.

So, was my page obscene? No. Did it have the word "sex" in the title? Yes. Is that obscene? No, but Facebook might have thought so. The thing is, I don't know what Facebook thought, because they don't provide any specific information, they just delete and that's it. I know that I didn't have any photos that were obscene, so I can't imagine what was the problem other than the word "sex". I didn't even let people post things on the wall, to make sure that I was in control of all the content. I wonder, if I had called the page "The S+ Photo Project" perhaps it would not have been deleted?

I'm frustrated because I was using the Facebook page as a good networking resource, it was my own happy little corner of Facebook... and now it's just gone. I cry foul.

Naked Girls Reading

2010-05-18T14:25:00.000-07:00

Naked Girls Reading. It's as simple and as complicated as that.

The inaugural reading event for the San Francisco chapter (May 16th at the Center for Sex and Culture)was a thoroughly enjoyable success. It exceeded my expectations in two ways: for one, I enjoyed listening to a book read aloud way more than I expected; and, it felt like an utterly natural thing for the readers to be naked. I'm looking forward to their next event, later this summer. Hope to see you there... in the front row.

(more images after the jump)

SF Naked Girls are Carol Queen, Dottie Lux, Isis Star, Kimberlee Cline, Lady Monster, Ruby Vixen. Naked Girls Reading was founded by Michelle L'Amour.

Featured Interview: Jukie Sunshine

2010-04-21T13:26:00.000-07:00

Jukie Sunshine is an amazing sex-positive and size-positive activist and performer with a contagious fun-loving spirit. After spending the afternoon with Jukie, interviewing and photographing her for The Sex Positive Photo Project I walked to my car with a bounce in my step - she is one of those kinds of people that make you feel great just by being around her. I first met Jukie in 2005 when I took some promotional photos for The Fat Bottom Revue, a burlesque troupe that she was a member of. A self-proclaimed queer, alpha-femme glamour girl, Jukie has appeared in Time, Juxtapoz, Bizarre, New Yorker magazine and in Leonard Nimoy’s photo book The Full Body Project. Last month, I sat down with “San Francisco’s It Girl” to get to know her a little better.

Shilo McCabe: So, who first called you San Francisco’s It Girl?

Jukie Sunshine: I did. I felt like I was doing a lot of things... the things that I had done were coming to fruition in the public and I felt “San Francisco famous”. I called myself that and then I really got caught up in the notion of being an “It Girl” and what it means to be an “It Girl”. I have actually purchased itgirlmagazine.com and I’m interested in creating a magazine because I know so many “It Girls”, so many people who, in one way or another, just have it going on and are really cool. And are out there and inspirational to other people and I’m interested in those stories and I’m interested in being one of those stories. Kind of like Oprah, I imagine, I’m going to be on the cover of every issue. (laughs)

SM: You’ve already been on the cover of a magazine or two, haven’t you?

JS: I have two covers. Other magazine, with the “church & state boobs” photo and Size Queen magazine.

SM: Over the 10 years I’ve been living here in the bay area, I feel like I’ve come across your image over and over again.

JS: I’ve lived here for a long time; I’ve lived here 20 years, and been a performer for 10 years now. The first performing that I did was in Good Vibrations’ Voluptuous Vixens.

SM: That was your first performance?!

JS: That was my first performance, a porn movie. I had started getting into the Sex Positive scene and when a call came up for the movie, I just had so many people say “you HAVE to try out for this...” So I did! I went and tried out for a porn movie. I took of my clothes and rolled around on a bearskin rug.

SM: Wow. Do you have background in performance or theater?

JS: I do have a theater background; I was a Drama major in Los Angeles. I really got disheartened, because it seemed like acting was all about getting into commercials and being in soap operas. Even though I was already doing things that were activist and acting related, I didn’t see a way to put those things together until I moved to San Francisco. It just became really clear that all these things I’d been doing, like putting myself in a cage or wearing a doctor jacket and pretending I’m doing vivisection on an animal – when I was doing animal rights activism – or walking around Union Square on Black Friday in a bloody fur coat talking about being “Worth It” (laughs). I was just a crazy character, it was fun. So I realized that this activism stuff is also performative and I was finding ways of putting them together.

SM: So you’ve been an activist for quite a while?

JS: My first activism was animal rights activism, specifically against animal testing, and more slowly I became a vegetarian – it was easier to give up leather than it was to stop eating meat. And so now I have a big animal rights tattoo in my back and I’m a total meat eater and I love leather (laughs). Oh well, it’s still where I came from.

SM: After Voluptious Vixens, did you then get into burlesque?

JS: I did the movie and there was a premiere on the big screen at the Roxy theater, I emceed the event. Afterward, Heather MacAllister came up to me and said “You’re hot. I want you to be in my troupe. Come try out.”

I was in that troupe (Fat Bottom Revue) for quite a few years. And when Heather got cancer, she was active in various degrees, so I took over in various degrees and tried to manage that. There was a lot of pain involved in doing the troupe, in not being the leader, and doing leading…. It was a good experience, it made for tough skin. It was hard on the inside, some of the getting along and not getting along, trying to be friends, and trying to be activists and trying to put on a show and have strong personalities. So, it was difficult at times. I kept in it as active as I did, because I really liked the message that Heather wanted to spread. Because I knew that I’d rather do this activism together then do it on my own. And it seems to mean more when we can do it in a group like this… that was amazing to have a huge audience on your side, there’s no fear: are they going to accept us, are they going to be rude? Which, initially was a concern… is this going to be too much for someone to look at… it felt like a lot to show, because I didn’t see it out there… I only saw it in the mirror! (laughs) It’s not generally still part of the media to see positive images of fat people, and the ones that are out there are still questionable… like Dance Your Ass Off, or something… there’s some positivity there… some of what is going on there is awesome, but, ew… it doesn’t feel right.

SM: There’s still this underlying theme of non-acceptance…

JS: “Look at the freaks… aren’t you funny, bouncing around looking that way.”

But, I love being funny, bouncing around looking that way! Humor is a big part of what makes fat performance palatable, because it has a funny twist.

SM: In Hollywood, the fat actresses are always the funny sidekick, the butt of the jokes. They are just there for comic relief.

JS: I feel like if I can do that, be the comic relief, and be pretty I can take more control, more power with how I get seen… and that’s the image I am trying to present. Pretty and funny and together and fashionable… I’m the “It Girl”, I’ve got it going on! But, that’s only part of the story, that’s my performance persona. I still have ugly days and days where l cry and I have close friends that understand that. I’ve heard other activists talk about the difficulty of being on display and trying to be the best person possible and not always being able to be the best person possible, falling short of that yet still being able to have pride in yourself and not feeling like you’re a fake.

SM: One thing that strikes me on a personal level, is that when you are on stage you have this presence, this gleam in your eye, this… you’re strong and in control and hot and beautiful …and I just wonder… where did you get that?! Were you born that way? How do you find it in you, or outside of you, to fight the dominant paradigm?

JS: It’s really has been a combination of outside and inside, kind of believing the hype. I think that what happened is that as I started feeling sexually confident… well, my story is that everything changed for me on December 31^st 2000… I went to Queen of Heaven, a pansexual play party put on by Carol Queen, and met a new community of sex positive people. With it being pansexual, and people of all ages and races and sizes, and as different as they could be and seeing what was hot to them, it really allowed me a space to find comfort in being comfortable in my own body and find comfort with a group of people who weren’t judging me. I didn’t feel judged and kept on the outside, I felt like everyone here is on the inside and I get to be on the inside too! I very much like pansexual spaces; I prefer inclusion vs. exclusion whenever possible.

Shilo: How long after the Queen of Heaven party were you in Voluptious Vixens?

JS: It was within a year and a half, so I was now a gay divorcee and very excited, really blooming sexually in a way that I hadn’t been afforded in Los Angleles, or in a marriage with so many problems… so at 30 years old I found myself blooming. I started feeling more positive about myself, I was getting a lot of positive feedback… so that created this monster you see now… where I feel positive about my sexuality. I think that’s a lot of what it is; it has to do with sexual self esteem. Once people feel they have access to that kind of pleasure and freedom in that aspect of their life then life is a lot better in general and people, I think, face the world differently.

Shi: Do you think that this could have only happened in the bay area?

JS: I can’t imagine this happening in Los Angles… its very body focused, about looking a certain way. Of course, it’s everywhere, but it’s more so in LA. So that was a place where I felt very drawn in on myself because I didn’t feel accepted. I didn’t feel sexually positive. I didn’t feel like I was going to find people there that would be interested in me.

SM: You were photographed by Leonard Nimoy for The Full Body Project, what was that experience like?

JS: There was something strange being naked in front of Spock. It’s just a weird situation…

SM: Really, you never thought you’d be naked in front of Spock?

JS: (laughs) no…

He was really kind, gentle and patient and soft spoken. I expected him to be this huge man with a big hand that enveloped mine… and he was very normal sized. (The Full Body Project) was something that he was trying to figure out too, it was clear that he was drawn to this and I don’t think he was necessarily concerned with how it was going to be taken. I know by looking at images of fat women that sometimes this is a lot to take, a lot to look at and there’s no way to erase what we’ve already been taught about the vilified fat body so there’s always that screen that you’re looking through. And the media totally sexualized (The Full Body Project) and that was really interesting and hard to take sometimes.

SM: The pictures were not necessarily sexual.

JS: I don’t think they were sexual at all. They were naked... nude. People weren’t just able to look at them as nudes, as they would look at nudes of non-fat women. I suspect that would be true even if they were not as fat as we were, that it would still be difficult for people to look at as just art - something that was not even supposed to be erotic.

SM: Were you disappointed in the media’s response?

JS: I didn’t expect it to be easy. I guess one of my fears was that it was going to be made fun of, that it was going to be on Jimmy Kimmel and it was going to be a joke; and it’s going to be on “The Soup” on E (network) and there’s going to be a fat joke. And… I think it was on both of those and I think it was a fat joke and I didn’t crumple… it didn’t kill me. I was able to not take it personally because it is this separate image… it was me posing and doing specific things that he had asked for, down to facial expressions. The hard one was from The View. Joy Behar brought the book out and Whoopi was into it, she was all “I don’t know what you are talking about, these women are beautiful” – she was cool about it. Joy said something to the effect of “I don’t know what makes these women think they can do this – don’t they know they are grossly obese and there is nothing beautiful about them”. It was horrible! I felt like I couldn’t leave the house. I took that really personally. I felt exposed, and not in a positive way. I felt like I wanted her to be a feminist and be positive about it, and she was a traitor and I was somehow put on the outside. I like the way that Leonard dealt with it throughout. I like what he said in interviews and what he said in the book. He really acknowledged the beauty myth and the double standards and the dominant paradigm in our society and how fucked up it is.

SM: I noticed that a lot of people assumed that he was sexually attracted to fat women, and that’s why he made this book.

JS: And he was always very “no no no” but, whatever, I know he thought I was hot! Whatever Leonard, I know you want me! (laughs)

SM: Did you hesitate when you were approached to do this project, or did you jump at the chance?

JS: I was like, I don’t know… this means I can’t be a school teacher now, or… I can’t run for public office. Not that I was planning on doing those things anyway (rolls eyes). I was certainly choosing a certain path in the direction of sex positivity, deciding okay, I’ll be a spokesmodel for this. I knew that somebody would feel good about it. That’s ultimately what went on with both the porn and with Leonard Nimoy. Someone is gong to say “Wow, she looks good; I look like that, if she can look good like that then I can look good like that!” There is an aspect of “if she can do it, I can do it”. That’s not just from a fat viewer, from anybody. Certainly, skinny women have issues with feeling ugly, and being not enough or too much, and needing to purchase products to make something better. So I knew that most everyone would be able to relate to it in that way. And for the people who just wanted to say “ew, gross” they were going to say that. I was really surprised about how much came out about how it was not okay to glorify something that was unhealthy. That was an argument that was written about a lot online and a lot of people felt strongly that it was not okay to show pretty, fat women because fat is evil.

SM: Totally the opposite of HAES, the Health at Every Size movement.

JS: Right, there are still so many people who don’t believe that’s possible, the media and the medical profession too. It’s really difficult also, for instance… I know there are a lot of health issues related to belly fat. I have belly fat, so I watch Dr. Oz and he talks about belly fat being the enemy and it’s still something I’m trying to figure out. How do I love myself the way I am and not see myself as evil or bad in some way and still have this knowledge that my belly fat isn’t the best thing for me. I do believe what doctors have to say about the association between belly fat and some diseases. I’m not going to hate myself in the mean time and think I’m evil and horrible and deny myself the right to have happiness. So it’s about finding the balance of those things and also figuring out how I can help other people feel good about their selves.

SM: I feel like, as someone who has been able to benefit from the positive role model that you are - seeing you out there being your persona, being happy with who you are, being sexual regardless of what the dominant paradigm is telling you and being a happiness activist… I know I’m not the only one who has internalized that message and benefited from it. So, on behalf of myself and the other people like me, thank you!

JS: I think it will be interesting to see how I handle it as I grow older, there will be the age activism that is automatically going to be involved too, that I dare to do what I do being at the age that will continue to increase… but that’s important too. So, yeah, I guess I am a happy activist and specifically for me I feel like the way that people will achieve happiness is through having a positive sex life and you have to have a positive image of your own body to have a positive sex life.

SM: Absolutely!

Soak up some up Jukie Sunshine in person at Hot.Fat.Femmes! a Fat Activist Panel at Good Vibration 603 Valencia, SF on Sunday, April 25^th 7-8:30pm – Free! She will also be the co-Femcee at Last Call: The Very Best of The Kentucky Fried Woman Show, May 1^st 9:30-12:30 at Velvet in Oakland, CA.

San Francisco, CA

2010-04-11T12:01:00.000-07:00

A few stolen moments in the backseat, Alameda Naval Base.

2010-03-30T12:51:00.000-07:00

more images after the jump...

Oakland, CA

2010-03-05T18:56:00.000-08:00

more images after the jump...

"I have always been interested in sexuality. I could say that the interest started as a kid - but my real drive towards self education started in my teens. I read about sexuality wherever I could. I frightened my mother by not only watching, but taping on the VCR the GLBT march on Washington when I was 16. I was thrilled by the sexual diversity I saw there with leather folk, drag queens, butches, and other queer folk and felt, for the first time, that I had found "my people." I have always had the drive to find out and explore, when it comes to sexuality. And if something that they are interested in turns out to not be something that I am not interested I find that I can be valuable as a cheerleader for the other person. I'm proud to be a person that many people have said has served as an example for them to be less ashamed of their own sexuality and start embracing just what they find sexy."
-Katie Peach

Why Sex Positive?

2010-02-03T17:23:00.000-08:00

I describe myself as sex-positive because I deeply feel that sex and sexuality can be a positive element of life. I also think that Sex-Negativity is harmful to people. I think that a culture of sex negativity is a driving force behind sexism, homophobia and a few other -isms, to be sure. No to mention I think it is a core component of patriarchy.

I am the first one to admit that this photo project is not going to be "objective". I am a member of the community that I am documenting. Why the Sex Positive Photo Project? This is my way of showing you my perspective into sex positivity, circa San Francisco 2010... It's my way to connect, celebrate, educate, communicate.

***

Charlie Glickman has an excellent article about the language of Sex Positivity over at his blog. It provides a great foundation for discussion on this topic.

So, I've been a little tied up....

2009-11-19T20:21:00.000-08:00

Folsom St. Fair 2009

2009-09-30T06:24:00.000-07:00

This was the first year in a long time that I've gone and photographed the fair just for myself. For 2 years I photographed the women's area and also staffed my own art booth during the inaugural year of the Artist's Area. Speaking of the Artist's Area, this year's was lackluster. The space only appeared partially full and the only enticement to head down that artery was to look for a hiding spot for a quickie. It was actually the one and only place that I saw someone getting some on with someone - as opposed to the self-play that was on display everywhere. This year's more rigid policy on lewd behavior created a noticeable lack of ~~cocksucking~~ public sex - at least from what I saw.

The Folsom St. Fair is all about seeing and being seen, exhibitionism and voyeurism. People dressed up and posing for would-be paparazzi. Celebrities for a day. There is such a wide variety of people putting themselves on display. I even saw some "sweet old lady" who looked like my kindergarten teacher done up in a bustier leading a tall middle-aged man in PVC on a leash. She carried a handbag, had a cloche style hat and cute little reading glasses. And I couldn't help but think "well good for you!" It's always good to see elder people out and about having a good time. I also saw one young woman on the BART heading toward the fair who was done up in stockings, garters and a bustier, topped off with a tiara. She looked terrified and self-conscious. I wanted to wrap a coat around her and give her a hug. But then again, good for her, too! Maybe she's battling the demons of anxiety, and if so, then she was winning. She stepped off the BART and walked directly toward the freakfest. I didn't see her again, but I hope she had a wonderful time.

Countdown to Folsom St. Fair.... Sunday Sept. 27th.

2009-09-11T18:57:00.000-07:00

In honor of Folsom St. Fair month, which also happens to be my birthday month, here are a few of my favorites from years past. And I was also excited to notice that my photographs taken from the women's area in 2007 are being used to promote this year's event. Check out the site, and I'll see you at the fair!

Berkeley, CA

2009-09-09T08:17:00.000-07:00

blacklight legs... Edges Dungeon, Santa Clara, CA

2009-09-03T10:00:00.000-07:00

Let's get this party started...

2009-09-01T08:33:00.000-07:00

This image has an active life outside of The Sex Positive Photo Project, though it is clearly one of the project's founding members. This year it has been included in both the Seattle Erotic Art Festival and Erosfest NW. This image was made during a photo shoot for the New Lesbian Sex Book, 3rd edition released in 2008.

Models are provided courtesy of www.CrashPadSeries.com -- yes, that sexy inked skin belongs to the incredible Syd Blakovich.

september's banner

2009-09-01T07:00:00.000-07:00

This month's banner features the gorgeous, talented, stunning Jiz Lee. You may swoon now.